Leaving it up to God (I think!)

[ciluzen]

Coly, I got a lump in my throat just reading through your last post. I did the same thing early on after BD; many, many times. I also got the same reaction. Its ok. Just dig in harder with DB. I truly believe that MLCers are cycling through hidden emotional turmoil so fast at first that they are not thinking/listening much, just spewing, and will forget anything you've said or done at this time.

It was like reading about an exchange with my XH, especially when you spoke of him not remembering what he said. I have a theory there. I think when they are so down and/ or angry at how their life is at that point, they need to focus on and blame others. We are closest to them so we get the blame. We all know people like this. People who always blame others for losing a job, getting hurt, not being able to pay bills...we just don't expect it to be our S. But that's where they are.

They also say some of the cruelest things because of this anger, but also to push us away. Funny thing is, as the anger dissipates and they aren't seeing us as much, they won't remember saying those things because they really don't feel them (maybe they did when they were angry because they created them). It will get better; especially if you can create some distance and prepare yourself when you interact to just be "light and breezy" (I took that from someone else), make eye contact, and not let anything they say or do affect you (in their presence...punch the wall AFTER they leave if you must). Its hard, but don't take it personally. There is an angry, desperate alien taking over your H right now. Distance yourself emotionally; its hard, but try to make it your goal. It helps.

(((Hugs))) to you and I'm pulling for you. No expectations from him; high expectations for yourself. Remind yourself to hold your head up, be above him, smile down on him. Be the queen or at least queen-like. Feel that power that wounded people can create from the tough scars. It gets better.