Coly, my heart is breaking for you right now. I don't know your story at all, but it is late and I am up and others might not be. While I don't know your story, I do relate to what happened. I bet everyone on this board does. We all have regret when we are trying to project strength and moving on. We are human though and inevitably we fail. The emotions of divorce and separation are overwhelming. Until someone experiences it, they have no idea.
Personally, I would not contact him. If he is like my H that will push him further away. Wiser people will give you advice on that though.
Sounds odd that your H would come to see your D when she was not at home and would bring wine. I can see how you would think this was leading somewhere. I believe my H uses my kids to get to me. Sounds like yours might be doing the same?
I don't believe that we have just one chance to get things right. Try not to view this as ruining everything. Use it as a lesson for how not to behave the next time. I think these folks have so much shame and guilt inside that dealing with emotions in front of the people they hurt is unbearable for them. He probably just needs to process what happened.
