Thanks so much for your response, I guess what comes to mind is what are declarations (versus boundaries) and mind reading (versus calculating moves)

how were you a mind reader? How did you reform ? My anger is actually pretty controlled, I pray a lot for my wife, learned to do a "step 4" in 12 step world and give up my resentments

The truth is if I don't start asserting myself I think it's over

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Me 45, W 50
M1 - 1994
D1 - 2000
T-8 M-2.5
No children
M2 (current w)- 2003
T-14 M-14
BD1 - Jan 2016
Sept 7 2016, Piecing
BD2 - Nov 2016, IWAD
Jan 2017, Piecing
D-12, D-10,D-10,D-10,D-9,S-8