The three questions you posed are excellent ones. I can only guess as to the possible answers (fear most likely, exactly what, though, I haven't a clue), which would be mindreading.
Thank you for your words of praise and encouragement. I cannot tell you how much it means to me. As you stated, living with a PA is extremely difficult. Like you, I tend to be confrontational. My approach has always been, if there is a problem, let's talk about it. None of this beat-around-the-bush nonsense, I'll let you know I'm angry/upset by acting like Mr. Poopy Pants. Ignoring the behavior takes a lot of strength; no wonder I am so tired at the end of the day. Knowing what it is when I hear/see it certainly helps.
As much as I hate to admit this, knowing that OW is really into her boyfriend helps immensely. I don't like to admit this because it is something on the outside of me that is making me more relaxed; I am focusing on something I have no control over.
Throughout this ordeal I have felt that this is all my fault. The MLC, the affair, the breakdown of the marriage. It's all me. Logically, I know that is not the case. But I have a hard time accepting it. There is some solace for me in the fact H and OW probably won't be together. In a way, it confirms what I logically know.
In the meantime, I am continuing my EMDR therapy, trying to work on my side of the street. All this sweeping, weeding, and cleaning up is a lot of hard work. I'm nowhere near where I need to be. I know I should just keep looking forward.
