New member, please help.

[25yearsmlc]

James, sorry you are here. I know it's so hard.

Hi cadet,
thank you for your kind words and sage advice. I am currently gal returned to M/arts and my 2 daughters are coming with me. It's really


heart warming to share this with them.

Also making my way through Sandi2's posts which are very insightful and sleeping me greatly to understand.

I wish to know opinions about the following.
The O M has last week dropped my wife saying that he doesn't want to come between us( re my first post).
My w is still showing me disrespect and is clearly upset at his leaving and emmotionaly hooked.

I wonder if I should write or email her apologising for my part in the breakdown of our relationship which I believe is substantial and also warn that any relationship she starts on tinder is likely to fail (knowing it has temporarily at least)stating that men on there are normally after fun rather than the relationship she craves and may manipulate to get their way.

say nothing about OM and do not "warn" her about anything unless it's an ultimatum you really will enforce (which I am NOT suggesting).

So, no "warnings". As for an apology, I think it would be a lot stronger if were backed up with action.

Plus, I get the feeling she has resented bearing the financial burden much longer than you realize. It has been building a long time. Not being able to see her mother is just one dimension of what she has done without. I'm not trying to bash you more, just trying to explain why an apology letter for not working, isn't going to overwhelm her.

Better to job hunt??

Sometimes just moving in a direction is better than waiting to know exactly where you want to go.


(I am worried that this may be the case and she has just arranged for our youngest to be out the way for the first time since he dropped her).

Thanks and best wishes to all.

What are you working on with you?

She's not happy in this marriage, so you can't convince her to "Be happy in THIS marriage"

partly b/c she has reason for feeling frustrated. Most women want to feel protected by their h's and to feel secure, which includes some financial security.

Second, talking someone into feeling something they have not felt in awhile, isn't likely to work.

So what about changing the dynamics in THIS marriage - so that if she recommits,

it'll be a better, different, improved marriage?

What would that look like?