First time post feeling lost and confused

[dodog]

Thanks kevinin you are a great inspiration. I do need to look at group activities as if the truth be known my circle of friends is somewhat depleted either moved away, live far away or now married etc.

So I'm in the mh today looking after the baby boy, wife comes back tonight. Going to make sure I'm already in bed so I don't have to face her. Tomorrow we are going to tell our daughter something about the way things will be going forward i.e. Mummy and daddy need some time apart to fingurentbkngs out as neither of us are happy at the moment. Hopefully that should be enough until we know more of what is going to happen. My golf trip to Portugal can't come soon enough. It's only 3 days but just to get away with the sun shining and a chance to go out. My waw is really bugging me. I logged on to my Mac and she was still signed in I know I shouldn't have snooped but I did and she has searched for thesame guy everyday for the past 2 weeks. And it's not just once a day. It numerous. I know that I cannot control her but to be honest this guy is an oik. Maybe she fancies a bit of rough or something but I am fuming. Been lying on the sofa with my daughter having the best cuddles and giggles and now she has just fallen asleep on me. She said she wanted to sleep in the main bed with me tonight so I might allow her. Especially as her world is going to come crashing down tomorrow. Had a few convos with the wife today about what to say. Even did a bit of db referring back to our arguement on Monday and validating saying that I am sorry that she feels that way and I appreciate that she was being open and honest.

I don't deserve to be treated like this by anyone, so why am I trying to save this marriage so much. I try to do no contact as much as I can with children jnvolved but it's tough. I hope that knowing that I will see the children every Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend I will be able to stop having contact with her as much.

Why am I beating myself up so much when I know that out there, there must be someone who I can be with who wouldn't treat me the way she has.