I thought my wife understood my love for her and our children and what I was trying to achieve for us.
This statement caused me to remember a movie I had seen many years ago. The W complained that her H would not occassionally tell her he loved her. His answer was that he told once and if his feelings changed, then he would let her know.
Perhaps your W did understand, but didn't neccessessarily agree/approve the outcome for her and the family. Even if we understand and agree, I think most women want reassurance from their H, in some manner. It's not enough that my H pledged his love on our wedding day, I want to "hear" him say ILY, and fairly often. More importantly, I want to "see" his love in action. I believe this is where the book about the 5 love languages might be very beneficial for your situation.
Was the communication very plain when you explained to your W exactly what you wanted to achieve? Did you give her an estimated window of time that it would take for you to achieve it? Was it something she could support and cheer for you in your accomplishments?
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When we met I was able to take care of my then future wife in difficult circumstances and this led to love and we married within a year.
Sounds like you were her knight in shining armor. It's kind of difficult to resist that attraction. Behind the armor, was a man who had confidence. Male confidence ranks extremely high in attraction. It is one of the first traits women see in a man. It's very important in the relationship, and I think it helps to boost the respect she has for him.
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She is a wonderful woman with a great personality but I think that I have broken her. Hurt her so badly that she has become depressed and this depression has caused her to lose her love and respect for me and reach out to others.
Perhaps both of you have seen each other's worst side. She will have to take responsibility for her actions, just as you must take ownership for yours.
I want to ask you some very important questions. Do you want to change the man you have become? Are you willing to go outside your comfort box and do whatever is necessary to achieve self-confidence and grow into a better version of James? And, are you ready to start the work?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
