Thread #3 - Mediation

[Dawgs]

MIL wasnt sure how to talk to you. Its likely just as awkward for her as it is for you.

Quite possibly. Or it could be that the MIL despises him - especially if his wife has been filling their heads with lies and nonsense.

[KevinIn]

Hmmmm. That sounds pretty judgmental.

It is. I acknowledge that. Just needed to vent.

I was kind of upset with my ex's family for not being more pro-marriage at first. But ultimately, Im glad that the support was there as my kids need that stability on both sides.

Generally speaking, i agree. Its good for them to have the support. Until the affair, i thought they were good people, and other than condoning her adultery, they are. The support will be good for the kids in the long run.

My guess is MIL wasnt sure how to talk to you. Its likely just as awkward for her as it is for you.

Deep down, i know this is the truth. Its super awkward on her. Probably more than it is for me. She doesn't have the personality/emotions to process this well.

[KevinIn]

MIL wasnt sure how to talk to you. Its likely just as awkward for her as it is for you.

Quite possibly. Or it could be that the MIL despises him - especially if his wife has been filling their heads with lies and nonsense.

This could also be true. I have no clue what story my wife is telling people to get them to sympathize with her.

[Dawgs]

This could also be true. I have no clue what story my wife is telling people to get them to sympathize with her.

You won't ever get the truth out of them...and its best to just let that sleeping dog lie.

What is the first thing someone does when they try to cover up stuff?

[KevinIn]

This could also be true. I have no clue what story my wife is telling people to get them to sympathize with her.

You won't ever get the truth out of them...and its best to just let that sleeping dog lie.

What is the first thing someone does when they try to cover up stuff?

I should have added one line to my response. "Nor do i care what shes telling people."

[KevinIn]

So I just spent 4 hours at a 6 year olds birthday party, where my wife was also at along with our kids. She was so weird and awkward the entire time. She definitely was not nice or friendly to me, but she wasn't mean neither.

I was a super nice guy the whole time to her, except one comment. I know I shouldn't have said it, but I did. I looked over and I asked "not wearing your rings anymore?" She said she took them off to work out and forgot to put them back on. It was 75 degrees outside, and she had a long sleeve shirt on and was intentionally covering up her hand. I quickly changed the subject and started laughing about something one of my friends said. I didn't say anything else about it the whole night.

[KevinIn]

Just got an email from the wife about her moving out.

"We need to discuss what all I can take, what I need to buy (and how to handle that), etc. Didn't know if you had any thoughts. I had some general ideas. We could maybe talk after the mediator on April 7 if you weren't in a huge rush to get to work. We can also just go through it by email."

I need to figure out the best approach to this. I'm not sure i really care what she takes, other than i don't want to deal with buying new stuff. Do I just let her take whatever she wants? Or, do I use this as an opportunity to talk through things with her and show her that I'm a reasonable person who she can talk to?

While i really don't care what she takes, i'm leaning towards using this as a constructive conversation to show her that she has a voice and that i'm not the bad guy she thinks I am (and throw in some 180)s. Not necessarily to win her back, but to help make our future interactions more bearable.

[Dawgs]

I'm not sure i really care what she takes, other than i don't want to deal with buying new stuff. Do I just let her take whatever she wants? Or, do I use this as an opportunity to talk through things with her and show her that I'm a reasonable person who she can talk to?

I know this may go against your line of thinking, but I'd be careful on saying she can take whatever, as she may clean you out. You can talk to her about it, but don't expect anything. If it were me, I'd go through the house and make a note of what you want to keep - meaning, what you WANT and are willing to fight for...because it will come down to that. Ask me how I know...

While i really don't care what she takes, i'm leaning towards using this as a constructive conversation to show her that she has a voice and that i'm not the bad guy she thinks I am (and throw in some 180)s. Not necessarily to win her back, but to help make our future interactions more bearable.

If you do it right, it may help. She may come out thinking she got what she wanted or whatever...which may make relations a little better, but I doubt it.

[Gordie]

Just got an email from the wife about her moving out.

"We need to discuss what all I can take, what I need to buy (and how to handle that), etc. Didn't know if you had any thoughts. I had some general ideas. We could maybe talk after the mediator on April 7 if you weren't in a huge rush to get to work. We can also just go through it by email."

I need to figure out the best approach to this. I'm not sure i really care what she takes, other than i don't want to deal with buying new stuff. Do I just let her take whatever she wants? Or, do I use this as an opportunity to talk through things with her and show her that I'm a reasonable person who she can talk to?

While i really don't care what she takes, i'm leaning towards using this as a constructive conversation to show her that she has a voice and that i'm not the bad guy she thinks I am (and throw in some 180)s. Not necessarily to win her back, but to help make our future interactions more bearable.

Will this be an emotional conversation with you? If so, I'd do some advance preparation and write down a list from each room, things you definitely want...then if she asks for it, you aren't surprised and/or emotional.

[dodog]

I agree with the above make a list of the thing as you want and the things you don't. And play it that way. Me and the w have had this conversation already and to be honest she was quite good about it all. Whether that changes in the future I don't know.