Thanks, Leahsue. I hate that both of us are on here, too. I can't imagine your pain of being cheated on, but I must say that I'm envious that your husband hasn't asked for a divorce.

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Let's try and enjoy this season of our lives, as painful and dark as it seems today. There is always hope, and wonderful things ahead for both of us.


Yes. I hope so. I know that I'm probably not going to date for some months to come. I'm not ready and I'd just attract someone with issues. I'm scared to be lonely. I've been single in this town before, and it's hard. All of my friends are coupled up and have someone to go home to, and someone to go to a movie with, or out to dinner. Oh well. I've done it before and I can do it again.

Two things have happened that I just need to tell someone about:

I didn't really speak to him last evening. The only time I did was to discuss the dog going out and when I walked by the living room while he was listening to music. Last summer we went to see a singer/songwriter play who was a friend of a friend. He was ... uncomfortably earnest. I had told him at the time of an artist who I felt this guy was copying. He didn't know who it was. We also showed our friends (well, his friends) pictures of the house we had under contract. H had his arm around me the whole time we were sitting. So I heard this artist playing on the radio and I wanted to remind him of that night, so I said "This is the guy that songwriter at [venue] thought he was." And I just kept walking.

This morning I'm preparing to take a short trip for work. I made reservations to board my dog, as I knew I couldn't ask him to watch her for me. He needles at any sign of dependency. I had my trip o our shared online calendar but hadn't otherwise mentioned it. I was just out of the shower and I heard him say my name. He was hiding around the corner, making sure he didn't glimpse any nudity. It's weird to hear him say my name, since it used to always be "sweetie" or "baby". I responded to him and he asked what my plan was for my dog while I'm away.

This sounds like a normal question to anyone else, but in this situation, it was more than that. It was bait. It was a "I KNOW she's selfishly going to try to dump her dog on me without asking, so I'm going to make her admit to it. Maybe I'll tell her I won't be home tonight, just to get her worrying about someone else."

ARGH. This is the cartoon version of me that he's reacting to, again. It took every ounce of my strength to not respond with sarcasm. I said "I'm not leaving her with you. I've got it covered. Thanks." He didn't know what to say and just walked away. Yes, that's right, H. I didn't say anything because I'm not depending on you, just like you want.

I want to scream. Just because he's got a hair trigger reaction to anything that looks like depending on him in any way does not mean I am some thoughtless parasite.

I am looking forward to being seen as I am by others once I move. Being treated as if I'm an awful person because of his own issues is exhausting and is really wearing me down.