My feeling is that if we were separated, spend family time together etc. and I suddenly found out that h was dating ... from other sources ... I would feel a lot of things, not the least would be betrayed. This is my opinion only.

It's not clear to me where you two have left things in regards to your relationship, but he has said on several occasions that he's trying or things of that nature.

If you've had a shift, that might be viewed by your h as a significant change in what he believes to be the status quo, perhaps it's kinder to communicate that openly.

Lou, I love you and I would do exactly what you are doing in your situation, but I feel that M's situation is a bit different. Because they've spent family vacations together etc and he has on more than one occasion claimed to be trying to work on things but that M is being off-putting, or how ever he's put it .. I just don't feel that a shift of this significance should be kept quiet.

The thing is, how do you bring something like that up. Do you say something like, I think it's time for me to explore what life has to offer me? Do you say I want to try something different?

I don't know what you say, M but you asked and I can only tell you my opinion. Be kind. Treat h as you would want him to treat you. If you would want to know that he's dating, then tell him. If not, then take a different approach.

Me - I hate surprises so the last thing I would want is to go out to dinner with friends and bump into my spouse with another woman.

That's just me.

xoxoxoxoxo
Whatever you decide, if you do it as you've done everything else, with integrity and honesty to yourself it will be the right decision for you xoxoxoxo

much love as always

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver