First time here

[leahsue]

Hi 25, have you read back through my posts? I really need some direction on what approach to take as far as this upcoming "weekend get-together"- (there is no date set yet- I keep putting him off, plus his work schedule is heavy right now.)

[25yearsmlc]

Gosh Leahsue,

Yes I read your thread and I feel like I gave you suggestions for how to approach this opportunity.

And if you don't want to reconcile, or if you feel you'll never get past the non communication, then why not end it now?

I'm not suggesting it, I'm saying that even though this is VERY hard, it's not very complicated.

We over think.

Your h wants to see you. You've posted here wanting that very thing.

There are things we must accept that we will never understand.

OR not accept it. But I do not believe there is an answer you'll find satisfactory as to why all this happened.

Asking "why?" And "how could you do this?!!" are questions I spent a year of my life on, and I'll never get that time back.

(& btw, my DB coach said those 2 questions will almost always elicit a defensive response from the listener, so I try to avoid framing questions that way).

Maybe you need to decide what you want, and go from there?

[leahsue]

OK, thanks 25, and I hear what you just said... that I need to decide what I want, but the part of your answer that I do not understand is where you say you have already given me suggestions as to how to approach this next situation. I looked back through my posts and do not see where you have even seen nor responded to anything I've said. Regardless, I'm learning much from advice you give to other people. Vanilla, too. I think you are both very wise and seasoned.

[25yearsmlc]

Here

if it's not specific enough, let me know---



Please have NO EXPECTATIONS and I cannot stress this enough. Try to be in the moment, pleasant and easy to be around and light hearted.

Yes, it may take all your acting skills and we can give you an Oscar b/c you will deserve it!

But you are a woman with interesting people to meet, cool places to go, & FUN things to do but you will make time for your h b/c hey, he's fun TOO!

Be upbeat and have a PMA and all the rest of the DB basics. Do them. Or fake as if you are (and then really do them.)

We hammer the GAL and Detachment for 2 reasons

1) it helps US to be happier people and our happiness and inner peace is the ultimate goal, not reconciliation

and

paradoxically 2) it increases the chances of a reconciliation

[leahsue]

Now THIS is what I'm looking for- a concrete plan of action. Although I feel you are being a bit condescending, like you're speaking to a 5 year old, but hey, I'm looking for all the wisdom this place has to offer, so I'm good with that. Thanks for answering.

[KevinIn]

25 is perfect with her response. Excellent advice.

[25yearsmlc]

Now THIS is what I'm looking for- a concrete plan of action. Although I feel you are being a bit condescending, like you're speaking to a 5 year old, but hey, I'm looking for all the wisdom this place has to offer, so I'm good with that. Thanks for answering.

This^^ advice was what I wrote to myself and read nearly every day, 10 years ago. I would do that again if need be. I copied most of it from my journal.

[Dawgs]

^ What he said.

[Dawgs]

Jeep, you mentioned TW earlier, but I don't know what that is or how to find it. Maybe message me? And thanks for checking in to my page.

There are a good bit more than a few on there. Go to Tacoma world and look up spacemanspiff.

[leahsue]

Jeep,
The truck place? LOL. OK...... I drive a BMW but I'm going to check it out. I get the feeling it's not about looking to buy a truck.