When Do MLC-LBS Officially Give Up?

[25yearsmlc]

Wow 25yearsmlc, what great insight. I'm new here, posted on the Newcomer. Totally confused about what is going on with my guy (NPD, MLC, both, just PA, something??) but been in it a long time. Feeling like I want it to be over but don't see my way to the end.

so, what parts of the post about when is it over, resonated with you the most, tonight?

I imagine you are somewhere on this page...??


Mine is very passive-aggressive and rages and disappears at the slightest things. I have zero ability to talk to him.

well, if you KNEW that he'd always be this^^ way, how would you feel about your situation?

Are there a lot of reasons to expect or believe he's Not as he seems and acts? is he somewhat consistent in the passive aggressive and raging? And how does it feel not to be able to talk to him?

What is the REAL alternative to divorce, if it's not a "great happy marriage" that you once had OR that you wish you could have someday? In other words,

is the real alternative to divorce a shaky marriage in which you are never really sure he's in the marriage with both feet? Or worse?

If so, how would that feel to know, now?

See, even if reconciliation is what your heart desires, seems as if it's not the kind you could trust IF it happened tonight? Wouldn't it feel more real if you saw him changing and learning and evolving, which would take TIME?


I just avoid dealing with him altogether and only respond when he contacts me and even then only when he is nice. He is sending mixed messages through FB and unanswered texts to the kids. My status quo isn't terrible but the feeling that I have no control over my own life is intolerable.

why do you feel you have no control over your life? I know what limbo is like. But we can choose to end limbo OR choose a deadline for ending it. That is within your control. Sometimes just knowing that we have that power, is enough to feel more at ease.

I'm not clear on how mixed the messages are. Sending messages to the kids is not the same as wanting to remain married OR being willing to do the work.


I think if he knows I am ready to end it, he will stall me to the end of time and I will be in a very expensive divorce (I'm a lawyer, he's a doctor) that will get very ugly (he's done bad, bad things that would be humiliating for him).

Interesting, as I'm a L and h is an MD. So, Must you expose the bad things for the d? I would think it's not in your interest to harm his income. Anyway, I suggest hiring a L who specializes in MD practices - to protect yourself b/c many L's just assume the assets are in the bank, not the practice, etc.

Most MDs are seen as good guys, and their work affirms that. (It's not quite the same for lawyers, as you may know )

But that tends to make them avoid people who don't admire them, or who interfere with their self image.

Anyhow, is there an advantage to him NOT believing you'll end it? I'm not suggesting either way, just asking.


I've been sadder the last two days than I have in a long time because I think I'm accepting that I am done, but feeling trapped.


Meaning? If you are done, is there no freedom in that?

OR are you saying that since you think now it's done - so you are mourning the loss of hope?
Ugh...that's rough

I want to be done but just let it dribble to a conclusion, but my brain doesn't let me. Advice?

I Need more info.

Can you check the questions above and ponder?