First, you have done well on the friends/trips/health and overall GAL. This is vital.
I'm of 2 minds with your h moving east. On one hand it's obviously a blow in terms of having much less contact. Harder to imagine a reconciliation, I know.
Not impossible, but logistically harder, no doubt. On the other end, it may well be easier for you to avoid dealing with his "issues", and there will be no accidental running into him.
I wanted to mention that I don't see the cake eating here. He's not living with you and wanting to be friends with benefits, etc.
My DB coach one said that to an extent, DBing requires a bit of cake eating b/c we don't tend to file for D and cut them off if we are here. (Cutting them off is often a punitive action anyhow, and I can't see how that benefits us or them).
Seems to me you are increasing your chances of him remembering you fondly, with the approach you are taking.
No, I can't say that will invariably lead him home OR that you will want him then. Or be able to trust again. And knowing that can be really sad...still...
Finally, when you say the cake eating is b/c he's being kind to you and "letting" you "down nice and easy" well...
what do you think would be better? And What difference does it make to you, if he is "lessening his guilt"?
Guilt on his end will not lead him to wanting to stay married. It tends to make men take the guilt/shame and convert it into blame. If guilt were an effective tool to stay married, I think you'd know.
As far as him getting what he wants, "i.e. the escape"
well, We cannot stop them from divorcing. And you would not want him to be stuck with you, b/c you deserve to have a man who wants to be with you. Not acting as if he's trapped. I'm writing all this to you for 2 reasons.
1) b/c I think it's easy to view something completely through a negative prism, even when it's comparatively positive, and I hope your view will evolve into a more positive one,
AND
2) b/c I think that your split is thus far as "amicable" as it can be. It'll never be pleasant to split up, I know. I'm only saying that his relative civility is not a bad thing.
if you harbor desires for a recon, this^^ enhances the chances and regardless, it's a good thing to know that you have behaved like a woman of strength and dignity does.
That ^^is never going to be something you regret. Around here, having few regrets is often the best we can hope for. The fact that he's not overtly angry, is a very good thing.
Hold your head high.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
