advice please

[25yearsmlc]

negative thoughts about all aspects of the affair

meaning b/c you feel you have the moral high ground, you are not having negative thoughts about all aspects of the affair? I'm very confused by that answer. Sorry.

if she were here you would get no admissions whatsoever apart blame shifting presumably

This is ^^ incredibly vague. And it deflects from us helping YOU work on YOU. Who is blame shifting now?

Look, we are here trying to help you b/c you are on a site to help save a marriage in crisis.

She's not here working on the m. So all we can do is help you work on you, and sure, maybe prepare for various scenarios, but all we really can do is help you become a better man, to behave differently and change and grow from this

or not.

So, what would your w say if she were here? Would she say the m lacked passion or that you were inattentive or like a bff but not a lover,

or too "amicable" and or quick tempered, critical, controlling, unimaginative,


no one is holding you to this. I'm just asking you to spitball what you think she'd say.

THEN we can figure out if any of her feedback is valid AND if you want to work on it.

Make sense?

you have certainly given me food for thought concerning my own actions, yes I must be more proactive than just presenting a superconfident individual

Are you presenting a super confident individual or one who takes for granted her remaining (esp since her mother lives there)

or does she see you as a friend, and not more?

Dig deeper.

The one upside to these ordeals is that we can become truly better people. Why avoid that? At least get your "money's worth" from this garbage.

Pain is the touchstone for tremendous growth, or victimhood.

In the end, this^^ is all up to us.