First time post feeling lost and confused

[dodog]

So quite a few exchanges today with w all about what to say to our eldest. And also making arrangements for my parents to swap there afternoon when they have the children so they hand over to me rather than my w. She did have a little moan about my parents wanting to swap so I said. Did a bit of db saying I can appreciate how you would feel like that. Something that did stick in my mind today and as peaople say about throwing us crumbs. During our heating exchange the night before last she said that I should stop walking around having my own pity party.... this annoyed me but then she said how do you expect me to fall in love with you if your being like this. So you know what I'm going to use that not the how do I fall in love with you big but the pity party and show her that I am no longer going to be wallowing in pity. That this situation is the best thing to hav happened to me in a long while. I'm going to smile be happy. I actually can be happy as spoke with my mortgage advisor and been told what one company would be prepared to lend me with including giving the child support and everything else she is demanding and it's still enough to be able to something that I would want to live in. Still need to decide whether to rent or buy but hat was a positive. Also I've started to stop looking to far in to the future. There is no point getting stressed out about where I'm going to live right now. I don't need to make any decisions and I can't make any decisions so why even spend my time thinking about it.

Just put the kids to bed and going to treat myself to a movie and an early night. No work tomorrow as I have the litttle one as w doesn't work Thursday or Fridays and with her being away we have no child care so a day with the little man all on his own without his big sister very rarely happens so I'm going to embrace it and have a great day.

Still dreading Friday telling my eldest that mummy and daddy need some time apart speech but that's all we can tell her at the moment. I'm not going to tell her we are divorcing or selling the house until we have to but to many lies have been told as to my whereabouts for the past 6 weeks that it's time to tell some truths. Who knows it may even pull a few heart strings on the w although I'm not sure she actually has one anymore