I liked sarcasm too! And Berto, as much as I'd like to justify my continual use of it in my relationships with others, it IS a problem. It masks a deep rooted insecurity and fear of having others find out what is really in my heart and soul.
My first inkling of its power was when D10 was 5--and she would repeat my one-liners. Most adults thought she was a hoot, but one person was brave enough to discuss it with me. I don't remember the exact convo, but the gist of it was that she was imitating me. The person pointed out to me that she was afraid of revealing herself to others and masked off her heart by using heavy doses of it.
The issue became what Pam called "egg on her face": that is, the REAL you is completely unknown to people because you use it in so many areas of your life that the lines become fuzzy and unclear.
The only place sarcasm should be used is when telling jokes. Do you really think D4 needs more than she already demonstrates? Most people find her wit amusing until you realize that she will use it to mask the incredible pain she feels underneath. Do you want your S to learn how to use sarcasm instead of accurate words to describe how he's feeling?
It's contagious and learned.
I got so used to using sarcasm being an everyday occurrence for me that I could head off most serious convos with just about anyone by initiating the comments so that I could be the one to deliver the punchline.
For example, when I was a teenager, my best partner in crime was my cousin--who is my age and is as talented in sarcasm as I am. Now that he's 42, I can look at him and see myself in the mirror and understand that it is a coping mechanism. And guess what? We're both adult children of alcoholics/heavy drinkers.
I had injured my face somehow and he was concerned. He said to me, "Is your face killing you?" My answer: "Yeah, and I know it's killing you by looking at it too." He had done that routine on me for so long that I could no longer allow him to care for me because I became so attuned at a quick comeback.
Do you see how intimidating this can be? And how pervasive it is? You can't just use it a little--because it's the type of tool that doesn't know boundaries and acceptable times. If Mr. Wonderful is guilty of not revealing what is in his heart, I wonder if my sarcasm had any part in that? To be constantly cut to the quick by my wit must not have been encouraging in the honesty department, if you get my drift.
Yes, I think you're extremely funny. But you know what? I would think you were funny without sarcasm. I'm sure Pam would agree. You are funny on its own merit, Meredith. You don't need a mask for me to see your value and insight to life.
I've found that I can still THINK sarcastically but not feel the need to express myself. Ironically, my R with my mother has improved 100% by eliminating that item from my diet.
You don't have to like my message or accept it, but won't you CONSIDER it?
Okay, I'm going to write a letter to Mr. Wonderful and come back and post it here--that is, if you and Pam are okay with it. I spent most of the night tossing and turning and have an idea of what I want to say.
Tossing the back to you guys!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
