I'm also trying to create a loss, and consequences for her actions. Sandi says these are good things, that W has no respect or attraction towards me
That does need to change. But you have to get all of your ducks in a row before respect, much less attraction is even considered. You know the rule - respect is earned, not given. And your actions over the marriage haven't given her a reason to respect her. Threats/damage/consequences don't either.
Attraction is a whole different ball game. Attractions change as we grow. Maybe she is no longer attracted to your look, etc. That's entirely possible, and it may never come back. What then?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
