Gordie, I understand that. I also am trying to come to grips that it was me and my behavior towards him that pushed him away. I am a strong person and know I can get past the rejection eventually, like you said its just hard to know your best friend, your lover, your spouse doesn't have it for you. I look back at the last year of our marriage and ask myself "why didn't I see what was happening? where was my head?" although he let his end slip too. I fear he takes its as a sign we are not meant to me, instead of thinking "we let it happen, we can work on it and not let it happen again". One of my biggest flaws is having to control everything. I admit it. So, not being able to control and fix this situation is eating me alive.
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Good^^ insight. Understand that when you surrender the illusion of control, you will actually be empowered.
it'll allow you to stay in your sandbox and work on you, rather than constantly checking his personal work in his sandbox.
It's crucial & vital for us to keep our focus ONLY On what we can control and that is ONLY Us.
Don't fuel his negatives by doing any of the same things he resists. Counter his negatives by doing the opposite. (You want him to stop believing his negative data. If he says you are "always late", you become MS. PUNCTUAL, arriving on time or early for everything.)
Have you gotten the DB book yet? I preferred Divorce Remedy, but both books are useful.
So You must detach to survive this and you must GAL to detach.
Hobbies and interests that get you around OTHER (preferably new) people are key.
I know you don't feel like doing that. Your instinct is probably telling you to hole up with some hot chocolate and lick your wounds. I get that.
That is why DBing can feel counter intuitive. We are asking you to make a leap of faith and trust that we have learned something here,
and we want to pass that on.
Join something, volunteer somewhere, take a class, coach or mentor or travel or play on a team
but GAL as soon as possible. It's not just about GAL and detaching. (But that's huge)
It's also about bringing something to the table other than unmet needs. You're still sharing a space so you do have time. Use it well.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
