MLC? Maybe you can tell me...

[Bird]

H sent a long email back, using the word "adjustment" excessively. This is just an adjustment for the kids, an adjustment for us, adjustment adjustment adjustment.

I put a clause in SA that support/maint start when house sells or 9/1, whichever comes first. He doesn't like the 9/1 clause. I feel like it could drag out forever if I don't put the clause in. He's got a pretty sweet setup right now financially since his parents are paying his rent, so I don't feel like he's motivated to move things along. He's been gone 3 months and hasn't done a thing to help me get a 3000 sqft house ready for listing. We've lived there 10 years so there is a lot of cleaning out, cleaning up, and some basic maintenance like painting to be done here and there. So that seems to be a point that I have to think about.

He wants to reduce the length of time for alimony by 18 months. He also wants to cut the figure my atty provided for support by almost $1000/m. I told him I could work with him on the length of time for alimony if he could work on the dollar amount for support. I also requested an additional day with the girls each week. He is balking at that. I don't like them feeling like neither place is home for them, being shuffled around 50% of the time. They're unhappy and living out of a suitcase which I hate for them. He is really martyring himself over this, pulling out phrases like "I know you're angry with me but...".

I kept emotion out of my email and really just put the points in there that I thought were important. I need the $ to live on. I make less than half of what he makes. Once support and maintenance end I will have like $150/month after my bills are paid. Granted I've got some years as my youngest is 10, but that's scary. This isn't greed talking, and I'm well aware that my standard of living (which isn't all that high to begin with) will be drastically reduced regardless. I feel certain that he is insinuating that I'm trying to increase my time with the girls by a day and increase the support payments to somehow get back at him because I am angry.

This is not the case, although I am sure as s**t angry with him alright. I really just want my kids to feel settled and like there is a place they can refer to as "home". I want to be able to take care of things financially without using credit cards. I want to be able to get new tires for my car.

I haven't responded to him yet although I'm pondering what he said and trying to figure out how to be fair and still get what I need. Unlike most MLC'rs, my H doesn't spew. He prefers martyring and turning his belly up. I guess he thinks if he subjugates himself then he can make me out to be the bad guy if things don't go his way. Then he can say he went out of his way and I made things difficult.

I came across an email exchange between us this past April, 11 months ago. Joking back and forth, planning a night out at the comedy club. Hard to believe this is the same person that would rather shack up with a 30 year old than work to keep his family intact. He's right, I do have a lot of anger. But I am working very hard to keep that out of the SA negotiations.

In my state, once the SA is signed, it can sit out there forever like that. Or if grounds have been met, either of the parties can file for D and it's done. So we're doing the heavy lifting now as it can just convert into D whenever the trigger is pulled. So I guess I'm in the thick of the thing that everyone is dreading right now. On the bright side, I'll have less to fear once this part is over I guess.