Friends: Anchor, Bruce and Chum's BB Version

[Underdog]

Pam,

I am clapping like a seal (arf arf) at your considerations. Great job!

And BTW, thanks for your input to the calling while away thing. As always, you've given me another point of view to CONSIDER. Isn't that what it's all about?

I'll even say this: that issue is not a deal breaker. I would like for him to call me (presuming we're working on the M). But it is not a deal breaker. If my needs are being met in other ways, I'll know he's thinking about me.

I need to add a couple more to my list of considerations.

Things I will consider about Mr. W:

* His reluctance to check in with me if it makes him feel controlled
* Any alternative ways to show love to me and the girls when he is not with us

Things about myself to consider:

*How I interpret not getting what I want the way I want it
*Wanting a man who does not love sports as much as I do (this is sort of a joke, but not really)

Things that I considered and won't accept:

*More than a few hairs on a man's back--if he needs a waxing, I'm outta here! Sorry, I had to inject SOME humor into this serious discussion
*Apathy in any way, shape or form

Triple J, after I compose the letter, I'll put it out here for review. I hope that you will all be pleasantly surprised.

I will comment once on the subject of sarcasm, because it's an issue that has surfaced with me over the course of my 42 years on this planet. It has single handedly been the #1 item on the "I hate what Betsey does" list since I started dating.

Sarcasm is a defense mechanism. And even if it's self deprecating and not directed toward anyone else, it shows a lack of respect for yourself and the person you are communicating with. I finally got that message in MC last summer. And I will tell you both that I heard it over and over before (in more subtle ways), and chose to go on being myself.

I believe that it was a dealbreaker with the men who proceeded Mr. Wonderful, and it was a HUGE bone of contention with him. My past R's cannot be the only ones where sarcasm was unhealthy and unwanted.

In fact, a couple weeks ago I read somewhere that the use of sarcasm in communications between couples was the one criteria Cs use in discerning if the R can be saved. It shows a complete lack of respect for others.

I think if this is a tool we've all relied on heavily in the past, it must be on the list of things to CONSIDER getting rid of. It's high on my list, and I'm often tempted to inject it. But I remember how angry it makes Mr. W. and how it affected my previous Rs.

What do you guys think?