Hi all!
Roommate #3, checking in!
May I first say I am honored to be included here?
I'd like to thank the academy, I'd like to thank Mer and Bets, and most of all, I'd like to thank my mother for helping me to become a crazymaker because it is what brought me here...

Sorry Mer! You know I love the negative humor too. Please don't give it up completely, I love having that outlet with you.

Anyway...

wow. I come home to not only a new thread, but 3 pages of really good stuff. I'm so thrilled about all of the visitors here! I haven't been as visible as Mer and Bets, so many of you probably don't know of me. I tend to ramble and have disjointed thoughts, but they are able to make sense of it and present it all back coherently.

Enough said! I guess it is only right if I try my hand at my own list.

Things about H that I promise to CONSIDER:

1. H’s need to constantly be busy
2. H’s need to give his time and attention to multiple sports teams (coaching and playing)
3. H’s very different idea of romance (different than mine)
4. H’s difficulty in revealing his feelings
5. H’s need to cling to the past

Things about me that I promise to CONSIDER:

1. Getting busy when I start to feel restless
2. The way I feel is not necessarily the way my H feels
3. Getting my point across is only bad if I do it in a bitchy way
4. The main point about asking for what I want and getting it is that I actually get what I want, NOT "but I shouldn't have to ask"

Things that I have CONSIDERED and cannot allow in my marriage (from me OR my H):
1. Emotional and/or physical affairs
2. Anything less than total agreement from both parties regarding the kids.
3. The notion that a marriage based on "true love" doesn't require work.
4. A lack of a work ethic and real motivation to be happy in the marriage.

I'm sure you all will tell me how I did.

In my quick read of the thread, I noticed that I was asked to give my thoughts on the whole not calling issue. I'm not too sure that my thoughts on it apply to you Bets, but, here is basically what I discussed with Meredith:

A couple of weeks ago I went away to a conference for work. While there, I noticed that I did not give my H a single thought. Well, I guess technically that is not true, since I was thinking about not thinking of him...but that's beside the point! There was a point when I did realize that I had not called my H at all, when normally I would have not only called on the way there, but also when I checked into the hotel, when I realized that the comedian I was going to see was someone we had seen and liked on t.v., etc...

All I can say is that I suddenly felt at peace with it. Back in Jan., when I still had my thread, or maybe was "squatting" on Mer's, I had a real problem with the fact that my H was away and hadn't made a single effort to call. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he just didn't care about me, and that his lack of a call proved that I was not the person that he wanted to share news with.

Until that day a couple of weeks back, I still believed this. At that point, my whole attitude changed. I realized that being busy and not calling was not a crime, or more importantly, not because of a lack of caring.

I'm not losing sight of the issue...follow me here...

I am still working at bringing the fun back into my marriage, and going back to being the girl around my H that I project to everyone else. (The big issue that I was discussing when I singlehandedly killed the joy on Betsey's old thread!)

I am not there yet.

Calling my H at that point would have been too much of a cold shower to the fun I was having with work buddies. He hasn't seen that joyful, fun-loving me too often. I think I instinctively felt that calling him would require too much of a personality shift. So, I continued to have fun, and I didn't call.

O.K., so maybe the reason is just now occuring to me, but the acceptance came right then. I knew in my heart that I loved my H. I knew that he was the man I wanted to be with, and not calling in no way took away from those feelings. If this is true for me, why not him? It could be so!

Wow. Amazing how all of these things all tie together. My intent was to write about how it can be possible to care, yet not pick up the phone. I had an AHA! moment though. More evidence that I need to work on losing the serious demeanor that I greet my H with daily.

Time to infuse this relationship with some fun! It is what I want, and if I have to take the first few steps to get there, I will. We had it once, so I know it is possible again.

Hey, thanks guys! I may not have helped Betsey at all, but I just helped myself considerably!

Guess I still owe ya one, Bets!
But not you Mer, as you really need to think about this....