By the grace of God

[mleigh4]

Hi there,

So just a brief update since H and I last "talked" S had a great birthday party. He ran around and had a blast with his buddies. You know it's good when they are all sweaty at the end! Lol. FIL and MIL showed up too. The entire time, H and FIL were glued to their cell phones. MIL and I played with the boys. We even had races down the giant slides! It was a good time, but I do admit, H withdrawal from the special day annoyed the h#ll out of me. It was a 2 hour party! He couldn't give S that?

Afterwards, S, his BFF and H came back to my place to open presents. H again went to phone, to look up how to use one of the gifts, while S was still opening more presents. I said straight up, H, you are missing the moment. He said, I am fully aware of what's happening around me. I said you are aware, but not a part of it.....He put phone away.

Since the party, we have been NC except for anything S related. I no longer see H as an R prospect in my life. I feel no attraction, although I still think he is very handsome, but no one I would even consider dating. I just feel empty.

Which brings me to deciding I am ready to dip my toe in the dating pool. Yep. This last weekend I did the spring passport weekend with friends, which is 2 days of wine tasting, food and music at all the local wineries. We hit 9 wineries in 2 days! It was a blast. Several men showed interest in me,including one little hottie who was only 29 years old! Everyone says I don't look my age but come on!

Anyway, I would love to have some good conversation with someone. I went on to an online dating source and put in some info. I got spooked, and am not public, but I am getting matches sent to me each day. There have been a few I would love to reach out to, talk to, and see what happens. I am TERRIFIED at the thought of going on a date, but I think if someone feels comfortable, I could give it a go. I will go public in 2 weeks, after H goes on his business trip without talking about our sitch, which I know will happen. If you remember, he promised to talk before, when work drama settles down. Let's be real, not gonna happen.

So I have a question for you guys. A few of my friends think I should let H know so he doesn't possibly hear from someone else. Short and sweet, something like H, I have always hoped we could work this out, but it's not going anywhere, so out of respect, I am letting you know I am going to start dating.....

IDK, part of me agrees, and part of me doesn't want to share my private life with him......

Any thoughts on that?