He wants to put the house on the market. He wants to choose the realtor, apparently because the one we used to buy it is a friend of ours and he might have to face some sort of accountability from those outside of his bubble. Oh well. I have to sign off on it so I'm not going to worry about it now.
And the conversation about expenses was not what I anticipated. I thought we'd discuss upcoming bills. Instead, he pulled out a document showing the expenses to purchase the house.
He paid the down payment and the closing costs. In exchange, I was to make a majority of the payments. This is due to our financial situation - I make more salary and less savings, and he's the opposite.
So he had all the closing costs listed out and divided them in half. He'd also had to pay off his truck loan and one of my credit cards to get financing. So, accounting for all of this, he had "my share" at the bottom, with the implication that I owe him money.
I explained that the conversation wasn't what I'd expected, and that I wasn't going to agree to anything like that. He seemed shocked.
I reminded him that I have a lawyer and that I'm not agreeing to how we'd split proceeds. He said, why don't you tell me what you feel you're entitled to then? I told him that I don't have a plan, but I do have a problem with what he'd laid out.
I reminded him that we purchased the home as a committed couple, not as roommates. There was no "I'll cover your part for you" conversation because we were a unit. We had planned to live here for 5-7 years. That was what I signed up for when I took this risk with him. And I understand why he'd want to rewrite history given his present state of mind (I actually said "freakout", which he objected to and I backed down. It was a poor choice of words) but the arrangement he was presenting was not reflective of the reality of the purchase.
He said "Wow" and seemed alarmed. I guess part of his plan to hit the "undo" button was that I'd submissively cooperate in minimizing his financial loss? And introduce some loss for me?
I told him I'd take it and look at it. I read it again and said that I have the same problem with it. It's a lovely agreement for him to take solace in now, but it's not reflective of the reality of why and how we bought the house.
He asked my plan, and I said that I didn't have one, but I knew that I didn't like what he'd presented to me.
I'd folded up the sheet of paper, and he took it back. I think he's shocked that I won't get on board with the MLC financial revisions. I'm sure he's worried, and that's fine. This is the reality of his decision. I'm not doing anything wrong.
I didn't get emotional and no one raised voices. I tried to have a soft but firm voice, and picked up my cat at the end of the conversation and was kissing him. I don't want to seem adversarial, but I'm not taking on debt to help him make his escape. Did he really think I'm that dumb?
I didn't want any of this. The plan for the house worked if we'd lived here as planned in the relationship that we were in. That's what I signed up for. And he's reneging on that deal and thinks I should take on debt because he's unilaterally ending things?
Earlier this month, after I calmed down from him dropping his bomb about splitting up, I realized that I'm in the power position when it comes to the house. I pay the mortgage and home equity loans. He's aware that stops as soon as I move. And I've also got no money down. He's the one who can lose big here, not me.
Right now he's surely mad and thinks I'm the worst mistake he's made, but that's not much different than what I've been dealing with all along after he lost his mind. I was the bad guy and I'm still the bad guy.
Now, even if things do improve and he becomes nicer to me, I won't know if he's just trying to manipulate me financially.
I just... I can't believe he thought I'd agree to that. What is my motivation to do that? My lawyer has told me that I could claim "infliction of emotional distress" and go after any profit on the home. I don't know that I'll do that, but it's nice to have in my pocket.
He's probably going to be angrier with me now and think that I'm much more of a mistake. Oh well. I don't think being a sucker and signing up for the debt he wants me to take on would have earned his respect.
Anyone have any thoughts about how this will impact things?
