As soon as my H left I could see from the phone bill that he was reaching out to a bunch of people that he had not dealt with in years, including his mother who never liked me. The first time I ever met him he told me he couldn't stand her and he didn't have much to do with her for 25 years. He started visiting his brother and brother's kids (he had never gone to see them even though we lived 2 hours away or less for the last 15 years). All of that already seems to have stopped. If the parents and friends weren't in the picture much, it probably won't last. I'm sure he lied to them and they all told him he was doing the right thing and encouraged the break. But in the end he is the one that has to live with it, not them.

We had pretty separate lives. I had my work and friends, and the kids, and their friends and activities. He had work friends and a cousin he talked to. Our families have never interacted. We are both pretty hermit-like.

What I will say is this, do not worry about getting your story out or your side out. I think he is coming back around now because I have done nothing to embarass him. I posted nothing about FB about the split, him, etc. I contacted no one from his family.

If she sees you doing these things, she will know you have not moved on and your going dark and doing 180 will be ineffective. I think people will remind you that you are doing those things for yourself, not her. As you get a little further down the road you will realize that.

Try doing what you would normally do with your common friends, but don't talk about the situation. Don't paint her negatively or seek for them to take sides. By focusing on getting your story out, you are making this a battle of attrition. You are setting yourself up as the other side.

If people bring it up just thank them for caring and remind them that we all go through challenges in our lives and you are just moving on with yours. If she gets that message back it will be a jolt to her far more than you telling her friends and family all of the less than pleasant details. People are attracted to strength, not weepy messes. If you can walk in strength and work on you and keep your head held high, no matter how this turns out you will be a winner. Or you can cry and plot and beg and plead and be stuck in this place until you finally get out of your own way.