Thanks Cadet. Good easy statement to throw out there and harder one to define, which is why I'm assuming you asked!! I fall into the category of "nice guy" and one who is a pleaser, but I'm understanding more about needing my interests, my passions to become more of who I am.
As a husband, I've felt like giving of myself and putting my needs last was something I needed to do for the family. Always making myself available and trying to please all home chores, grocery shopping, etc. would somehow reap a reward. I'm learning this is wrong on many levels.
Too many times asking, "what else can I do to help?" and not just being a man and doing things, owning responsibilities. My wife has primarily been a SAHM for years with just recently going back to work (both prior to round 1 and this round).
By trying to "reap a reward", I'm realizing now how manipulative that behavior can be. When no reward is there, I'd feel hurt, dismissed, rejected and go into depression.
In that depression, I'm obviously not very pleasant to be around. Not a shining light, but a dim and dusty lamp. I don't want to be that person and I've got a decent road ahead of me to figure out how I change.
I need to get back to my passions to live and not just be like the Dunkin Donuts guy ("time to make the donuts"). In our therapy sessions over the past few years, I liken myself to a camel. A camel can "survive" in the desert with minimal water/food, but does that camel really thrive??? I'd get happy with connections (not just sex, but intimate conversations/connections) on minimal occassions, but it was good enough for me till the next. It's obviously not the same for the Mrs. and I get it.
Does that make sense?
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
