Round 2

[Tryin2figuritout]

After "successfully" piecing back together in 2013, we're back about where we started a few years ago. I say successfully in quotes because clearly we did not fix everything.

We've been far more best friends than anything and our sex life over the years reflects this. Our life as a family could not be any better, but life as husband and wife continues to suffer. We both know and acknowledge our contributions here, but she seems done.

We've decided to do an in-house separation by setting up the extra bedroom to allow for space. I'm ok with this because I've got to get my self in order. I have recognized some significant depression issues that I'm seeing a therapist to help.

With Round 2, I'm glad I understand the Walk-Away Wife, but wonder if I already blew my shot here. Last time was very healing for me, but I did not turn it into long-lasting change. She recognized my changes to the positive and ultimately came back. I worry that I burned that bridge never to be crossed again.

In the last few weeks, I'm getting myself back and feeling better. Some days better than others as we all know, but happier than I've been in a while. Once the bad is exposed as opposed to ignored or swept under the rug, there's such a sense of relief.

I guess since this ain't my first rodeo I'm in a good place to know that my best foot forward is working on myself. It's weird because in some ways I don't know who that person is because I've just been the working, rearing dad for so long. You think you're doing the best for your family by ignoring personal growth and all you end up is being a shell of what you were and guess what folks, that ain't all that attractive to the Mrs.

I know I can't worry about what she thinks about me because that is what it is. She's the only one to think and feel for herself and she's responsible for her own happiness. If I end up being in that equation, that's great and if I'm not then I will have to deal with that.

My recent 180 (let's say last two weeks) has been noticed but again I'm concerned it's too little too late. I say that because it's pissing her off. She knows that last time I reacted the same way, but again no true, long-lasting changes took place.

I guess this is a good recap to start. Looking for any guidance, support, words, etc. that y'all are willing to share.