Count on ups and downs (III)

[roist]

I disagree that she purposefully is trying to hurt you. You need to get that idea out of your head. All her actions are her trying to stop feeling bad and to try to be happy. That is all any of us want. Now along the way she may do stuff that does hurt you. She is so focused on feeling better that she is not considering how it affects you. You being hurt is less important to her than her feeling better.

Don't take it personally. Yes a separate account is another step away from you, but many here would advise you to separate finances to protect yourself. So this could be a good thing.

Her actions hurt you because you still have expectations that she SHOULD act differently. Expect her to continue her path away from you. Forsee what may happen. Know that this will happen as long as she follows her path. It is logical.If you wanted out, you would do the same. I say this so you don't harbor false expectations that she will not do these things. Unless she changes her mind, she will. It suckss but try to look at it as something that ye have to get through.

Each step she takes away from you, will hurt. But you can reduce that hurt. Firstly by knowing it is not personal. Secondly by knowing it is logical she will do that to follow her path. Thirdly no matter how many steps she takes away from you and no matter how big or definitive they seem, it is possible she may take those steps in the opposite direction towards you. It is possible.

Another key to reducing how much you hurt is to change your focus from it. Today do something small to treat yourself. A nice dessert after lunch. Or ring an old friend to talk about other stuff. Make plans for something fun this weekend. These will not fix your situation but is a start to helping you cope better.

Best wishes