Yikes, you are again deflecting from the valid concerns and unmet needs of hers, which she communicated. All that she did not say or do was threaten you with divorce if you didn't change them. Her pain was not enough of an inducement for you to change anything at all, from what I can tell.
25, you are a woman, so you might not be capable of understanding my perspective here. My wife probably shares your exact same perspective, which is likely why she can't forgive me, coupled with the fact that she has this fantasy replacement man. But as I have said a million times, I didn't understand that my wife was unhappy. I knew she had complaints and desires, but I didn't know how much she needed these things. She seemed happy to me. I am being completely honest when I say that. Why would I lie about that over an anonymous internet forum? I have said this probably from post 1. And it's hard to be motivated to make big changes to make someone happier who already seems happy. Please do not demonize me because of my lack of being able to understand her. I just saw her complaints as nagging. And from what I had seen, that is a very common theme in marriages for the wife to complain, and so I just thought it was normal and we were fine. I mean, how much can you blame me, when my wife wrote me an anniversary card 2 or 3 weeks before BD, telling me how glad she was to have me in her life and how she wanted to continue to grow with me for many years? (nothing on my end changed during those few weeks) She also made a public status update on Facebook telling me Happy Anniversary. I was still her favorite, and she loved me so, paraphrased. Her mantra is "fake it until you make it". Men have a hard enough time trying to understand women. We don't need you hide your feelings on top of it!
My mom divorced my dad when I was 3.5. I had one step father growing up, for a few years, and my mom divorced him. I didn't have much of a model for how to be happily married, especially how a husband is to act in a marriage. I was married to my wife for 7 years, and with her for 10. So, I thought I must be doing alright, for her to stay with me this long. I got very comfortable, relaxed, and complacent. I stopped asking her how happy she was, which was the Golden Tool of our relationship, without which, we would fall. And that's what happened. I forgot the importance of periodically asking her how happy she was, and I forgot how easy it was to lose her. When I knew she was unhappy, I was always quick to act, just like when she dropped the bomb. I did all kinds of things to be sweet to her and show my love for her, to try to convince her not to leave. When I knew I needed to do something for my wife, I did it. Now I know that when a woman says something, you have to listen. My dad told me that way back, and I didn't know how true it is, until now. Some lessons come so hard.
Please stop bashing me, 25. I didn't see her pain. I didn't get it for some reason. I don't know why. But from what I've read, it's a pretty common thing for men to be like that. They have to learn the creature that is the woman, but women usually give up before we have learned, or at the same time that we have learned. My relationship with my wife was my first 'real' relationship. Too bad that doesn't make a d4mn bit of difference to my wife, because she's driven by emotions, especially right now, in her wayward demon state. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I had no idea what my wife could turn into, and how quickly and easily she could. I ask myself multiple times a day how the heck she could do that -- go from love to hate so strongly and so quickly.
Yes, I made mistakes, but do they warrant my Christian wife having an affair with a Mormon guy at work, who has a wife and four kids (still were living with him, until about a week ago), leaving me for him, treating me like I was the devil after bomb drop, blaming me entirely for her leaving the marriage, as though it's also my fault that she had an affair (which she has never admitted, of course, but there is plenty of evidence), rushing to break things off with me, so that she could freely be with him, by quickly getting out of our house, getting her stuff out, and sending me separation papers? No second chance, despite a month of pleas. No warning about approaching the end of her rope. No ultimatum. Then she openly sees him, even at night at her house, while he's still living with his wife. She drops me like a ton of bricks. Goes from being all about me to being none about me. It seems that I could drop dead and she all of a sudden would have no care in this world. Makes no contact with me hardly, unless it's over business or to complain about something. Goes off and does things with this guy, along with having him over at night, before she and I have a signed separation agreement. I have no idea what he has on his end with his wife. My wife is a home-wrecker, and so is a--hole, but she's perhaps worse, because they have 4 kids. My wife and I were planning to start trying to have kids shortly before BD. I only mention their religions, because she looked into converting to Mormonism to be with this guy. Really? Who is worse? Me or her?
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
