the bomb was dropped.....

[Sunmoon]

okay, this is going to be long but I want to get the best advice possible and feel I need to really get in depth about what has happened between H and I.

Last week, my husband dropped the "I'm not happy" bomb on me. he was sobbing, pouring out his heart to me.
I can't exactly say it was a complete shock, because we have been having marital issues and have been seeking counseling, of which both of us have been happy going. but to me, the issues we were having were not "divorce worthy".
just to give a brief background: H and I have been married for almost 6 years, together for 9, I am 33 and he is 30. we can both admit that we are not the same people we married. we have grown personally.
However, On my end, it hasn't changed my feelings for him or our marriage. We have grown apart to an extent; growing to like different activities, ideas and ways of thinking about certain subjects, but still have a moderate about of common interests. He took a job 4 years ago that requires him to work 7 days a week.

He CAN take weekends off (he can ask for them, sometimes they deny the request) but the money is so good and we are in a lot of debt so he hates asking for the weekends off. his father has worked at the very same company for 40 years, (7days a week) and so does his brother.

our issues started before he took this job, but I feel his job has made things worse, and we should have started seeing the warning signs sooner. fast forward to the bombshell- he is unhappy.

he feels we are no longer compatible in every area (this is includes sexually as well). he feels we have grown so far apart that he is unsure he will ever be able to feel the same way about me as when we were in our younger years of the relationship. he spends all of his time on social media, tv and movies, hardly looking up to even see what I am doing or engage in any conversation, to him, I nag, I dont make him feel like a man (which, to be honest, I have been extremely depressed and have had high anxiety which has caused me to be someone I am not, and I HAVE been seeking counseling for, and I HAVE improved, even he admits he has seen positive changes in me).

I am not going to pretend that I have been the ideal wife, because I have lacked. However he has not been the best husband he can be either.

i quit my job almost a year ago because it was high stress and my hours were opposite his, we saw zero of each other. we lost a lot of income but to me it was better than losing the marriage.
I took the summer off, which he agreed could be good for me, but during the summer he had told me he was starting to feel some unhappiness, which then we started seeking counseling, and individual counseling for me for my issues. we both enjoy going and love our counselor.
I got a part time job in october which allows me to work when hes working, so we can still have time to see each other. however the time we have together is spent arguing or buried in his phone or tv. he says he "loves me" but isn't "in love with me" anymore.
he feels trapped, smothered, and depressed. He recently befriended another guy at work who is quite a bit younger than us (I am 33 and he is 30, friend is 25). this friend is engaged and H says that he wants the relationship that him and his fiance have. they are compatible, in love, do everything together and have few arguments.

I feel this is an unfair comparison, because these two are not even married yet, younger and have a lot of growing to do. I told him that this couple could be in the exact position we are in in 5 years, and he cant compare someone else's present relationship to ours. he feels that I don't let him go hang out with his buddies, or when he does, I make him feel guilty for going out. this is partially true- with him working 7 days a week its hard to get any quality time with him, (may I add he is also an on-cal firefighter and responds to calls when he isnt at work)so I constantly feel like I get no time with him, and when he wants to go out without me, I have a hard time accepting he would rather go out than spend the very little time he has with me- and yes, i know this is unfair to him, and I have let him know that I am aware that it is.
since the bomb, he has sought out individual counseling appointment with our counselor. so have I.

I have been trying really hard not to beg or convince, although I have told him what I feel and what I think can happen if we try harder. he doesn't mind us sleeping in the same bed, doing things together, but has told me not to get offended that he isn't there for me physically- kiss, hug, cuddle etc. he said all the feelings are so raw right now that he is confused on what he wants.

i am trying very hard to give him that space but i take things so personally and because i am a physical touch person i feel like I'm just being rejected. we did get a little intimate one night this week, but was turned down several other times. he took the weekend off to hit a movie with me, we went to dinner, we did a little window shopping, and i noticed he spent a lot of money on everything which is very out of the norm for him. he is also testing our some small "honor and respect boundaries" that we set up prior to getting married- I'm 99% positive that there isn't another woman, however he has been talking about past "friends" that were girls, being a little disrespectful when it comes to other women (not hiding it when hes staring at other women in front of me, talking about other "hot women", and searching out inappropriate things on the internet) It's almost like he knows he's in a position of power right now, and he is using it to his advantage to do what he wants knowing I won't say anything for fear I might push him over the edge. this is not only unfair but immature and disrespectful.

i love him dearly- we have a lot of fond memories, no kids but animals we share and love. could this be an early onset of midlife crisis? could his demanding job and the pressure of a not so hot marriage be catapulting him into this very odd behavior?

I'm heartbroken, lost, and don't know whether to stay and weather this storm, or to separate for a bit.
I am trying extremely hard to be open and peaceful, not nag and slap a smile on my face when I just want to cry, guard my heart when it comes to his inability to "be there for me right now" but I am in agony.