Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 9

[ForGump]

I fantasize about telling him I think I can't do this anymore and he frantically doing everything and anything to win me back. But the passion isn't there, it hasn't been since before the affair. It hasn't been there since shortly after we married.

S- sorry you're struggling w/ this. I would too. What you're saying brings to mind what my XW wanted -- she wanted to feel intense pursuit, desire from me. You're very different than her but, nonetheless, it brings to mind what made HER feel good. Maybe some reflection about Perel's ideas might help? Some amount of distance is OK? Obviously you don't want too much, and his having acted upon his impulses doesn't help frame that gulf in intimacy very well.... Wish you a better week.