Well, the eager crazy woman that wanted me to sign D papers has gone MIA. I haven’t heard from her in 3 weeks today. Have not gotten served with D papers. And That’s the longest we’ve gone without communication. I also deleted my social media accounts so she could stop checking up on me. I’ve gone completely dark, and thought I’ve had some 3 great weeks…. Yesterday I was doing some clean up and I found a Sudoku book,I was about to trash it but I opened it, well there was a note on the cover from my W. a sweet little note from I don't know when, she didn’t write a date. That made me start thinking of all the good times and of course we all know what comes next. Sadness, regret, tears, pain, hurt. things we all know too well. I guess I’m still trying to reel in from that. I’m tired, I couldn’t sleep, so these don’t help. I’ve got a ton of work, stressing out slightly over that. So I know all these circumstances play into the heightened emotion I feel. But I need to keep it together. Also some thongs that crossed my mind yesterday, when will I stop wanting my W back (this usually only happens when I think happy thoughts) but when will that cease? When will I be able to think back “ok we had a good run” and not lose my mind? With that, I feel as though I’m just going with life pretending she didn’t exist. Is this healthy? I don't know.. Also, a year ago tomorrow my W left for her nursing trip and never returned. It’s been a year since I lost my wife. Almost a year since BD. BD happened shortly after she came back from her trip.
On my personal life, I’ve been really busy juggling work, running, school and friends. I booked a trip to Mexico. My aunt and I are going across Mexico for about a week and visiting some cities / ruins. It should be fun. I am truly enjoying my friends. With each day that passes I feel a stronger connection to each of them. It’s really nice. I spoke to a friend that’s having issues with her bf. Some things that came up were, how he was being a jerk and ruined her day. Also she asked when is enough enough? I told her she’s responsible for her own happiness, that no one can make her happy but herself. That even though it’s hard we mustn't let someone else's issues become or ruin our day. I also told her no one can tell her when enough is enough, she needs to decide that for herself. She said I had good advice, and that made me feel good. And I noticed I threw in some validation. Ahhhh the magical things we learn!
that’s it. I’m feeling better just by writing these thoughts out.
