That's why it's now important to separate the desire for the person, from the desire for resumption of control, stability, and positive validation. Your brain is telling you that getting W back will restore these things, but it won't.
So ask yourself, what do you want and why do you want it?
I am having a hard time separating the two. I really think I want both. We all desire control over our lives. That's natural. I desire the person, too. But then it's complicated because I desire the person who would never hurt or betray me. I'd have an unstoppable motivation to improve the MR for that person. Right now I really don't have that motivation for the cold-hearted person she's become. And motivation has never been her thing so I can't imagine her putting in the hard work of chipping away at the damage to where I'd really want to put in the work too.
I had a good weekend. Kept my time occupied so I wasn't stuck alone in the house too much. Dinner with my family, hung out with a friend. Did a lot of shopping. I bought a new shower curtain, towels and rugs for the guest bathroom. Made it my own. Spent some time looking for new curtains for the living room but haven't found anything I like yet. Did some work outside getting the garden beds ready for planting.
My W did text me Saturday night about doing the taxes, wanting me to send her my documents. I ignored it. Early Sunday morning she texted asking if I got the text. Guess she's not used to me not being responsive. A few hours later when I got home I texted and asked what she was wanting me to do. She said to send her all my documents. I asked how I was supposed to do that and she said email so I pointed out the obvious that they're hard copies. She asked if I could scan them at work and I told her no. She said she'd login and enter her stuff and then I could login and do mine, which is what she had discussed 2 weeks ago when she was at the house. I didn't respond because I didn't think a response was necessary. 2 hours later she asked if that would work. Couple hours after that I told her she could do whatever she wanted. She asked if that upset me and I ignored it.
I know tax stuff is important but there is still plenty of time and I'm not going to indulge her in any form of cake eating. I almost got the impression she was wanting me to invite her over to work on it together. If she can't even come out and say that then there's really no hope for her to be honest and put in the hard work on a R.
I saw an analogy I like: There's no such thing as a dirty room where only half of it needs to be cleaned.
With her telling me 2 weeks ago that I was a "terrible husband" and she was a "good wife", I find that saying very applicable. I'm sure if I asked her in what ways she was a good wife she'd talk about how she cooked, cleaned, did laundry. That makes her a good housekeeper, not a good wife. The fact I can discuss with her my shortcomings that left the MR vulnerable to HER affair while she offers up nothing aside from "I'm sorry I hurt you, I should have just left" and rewriting history speaks volumes about her.
She really needs to learn to see she's not perfect and can't blame all of her problems on other people if there's to be any hope at all, for us or for herself.
