Thanks for your support and your words. Though some of it has been hard to take in I will admit.
If she has had an affair then I guess that would be it for us. But, I really don't know and it's killing me. Why are you going to the "if she had an affair then..."??
There is no evidence of an A but you admit you have a temper problem and other problems you say she listed, but you didn't write them out. I see zero value in putting your focus off yourself.
A bad temper is a big deal. It's a solid reason for a woman to leave a m, without having an affair. Not to mention she's holing up at her mom's now, not elsewhere.
What are you doing to address your temper issue? Have you sought out counseling for it? Did either of your parents have a temper?
Regardless of what happens to your m, controlling your temper is required of a healthy strong man. Strong men are in control of themselves, and don't try to control others.
In case your w does turn her head, it'll be far more likely to arouse her curiosity if she learns that you really are changing, not just promising to.
This^^ is something you CAN do.
And if she doesn't love me or isn't 'in love' with me that means she never did or was. I don't know what could be a worst feeling. This^^ is plain old incorrect. And it's not healthy AND it keeps the focus on her and the past, and prevents you from working on the one person you can affect, YOU.
WORK ON YOU and stay in your sandbox. Tell us the other issues you are trying to address.
Tell us what your w would say if she were here?
They say if you love someone let them go, if they return, they are yours, if they don't, they never were. These words keep resonating with me at the moment.
After my long emotional message on Sunday-which she read but did not reply to-I've gone dark. Is her silence my response? I suppose I'm still hopeful that she is taking time, that perhaps her heart will soften. Am I doing the right thing for now? I really have no idea.
Well, have you read any of the books?
Why not start there? The first chapter is in Cadet's first post to you.
What we say will make a ton more sense and yes there is hope. But you DO need to DO somethings. Not just wait and hope and repeat.
And the historical reviews and second guessing are not helping you at all.
Be here now. (Notice that Exploiting your fears about affairs or questioning everything you had, coincidentally avoids you doing your own work. )
From your post it's clear you two discussed your temper and other issues she raised with you, before.
Presumably you promised her you'd change. And then what?
How will you address this differently now?
Just, people do separate and they do reconcile. It is possible. But no woman will return to the same marriage she left.
Give her a new different vision of how the marriage will be different, b/c you are different.
And if you think she has issues to work on, table them for now.
She's not here trying to save the m. You are.
Hang in there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
