I forgot to mention that at least in my situation I have found that doing nothing was exactly what I needed to do. It was the best, though hardest approach. I would add that "doing nothing" is not appropriate ALL THE TIME

Best wishes

R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together