WW wife turned WA what to do? Sandi2 anyone?

[sandi2]

Okay, slow this train down. Both you and your W agreed to leave the house and one of you would spend a number of nights with the children. Is this correct? Were you both calling this arrangement a separation, or putting things in a holding pattern for a while......or what did you call the arrangement?

The plan is to stay home on her nights with the kids. I am questioning the coach on if it makes sense to ask her sbout a parrnting plan and then allof a sudden staying home. Or do I just make this all one conversation? It doesnt make sense to listen to someones views and then turn around and tell them you are not leaving at all. Seems contradicting, but I think the coach sidnt want me to make the every night in bed move until Inreport back what she say

Well yes, I agree that those actions could appear contradictive.

If I recall correctly, I also said you were not ready to march into your house and announce that you were reclaiming the MBR. Remember timing? Plus, if you agreed to the current arrangements, and then asked your W to offer her views of a longer-term parenting plan......or whatever (I assumed this arrangement was the parenting plan).......and after giving her thoughts she discovers you are refusing to leave the MBR..........wow! I think you need to be fully prepared for a sh't storm. Maybe that's not a problem for you, however, based on your fear, conflict avoidance and passivity, I am concerned that you see taking this action as a magical solution that will all fall into place. It is not! It takes a great deal of courage.

Here is what you need to see. You and your coach were discussing the plan of action you would take, correct? And, like most people, you throw out fishing lines to see what others think, too. That is fine, as long as you don't jump off into something more dramatic than you can currently handle. First, learn the whats, whys, hows, & therefores.

Remember asking this:

I read what you wrote on another thread about how a man should never give ip the marital bed or home. Stand my ground. Is there other reasons besides that?

Okay, so I explained the importance and symbolism of the faithful spouse (especially the H) remaining in the MBR. Some others joined in with their thoughts, too. The next thing I know, you are talking about the plan to reclaim the MBR, and you are questioning your coach. I don't know what has been discussed with your coach. Perhaps you can have the talk with your W that coach suggested (and did s/he suggest it or did you ask about having the discussion), then report back to coach and get advice on the next move. IMHO, it appears as confusion for you b/c it sounds somewhat contradictive to your ears when receiving so much information at once. Instead of contradiction, maybe you can see how you would pace some of your actions.

Even when doing the right action, the timing makes all the difference. So, think more on what you want to do, and weigh the pros & cons for your situation. That's MHO.