Wife left two days before our wedding anniversary!

[Dawgs]

If you love someone is it ever too late?

No, but don't think your love for her is the same as hers for you, if there is any. You are trying to think of her views through your eyes.

And to top it all off she has slated off our entire marriage and made me seem like a bad husband. Which is so hurtful. It seems our entire circle of friends has bought it too-she is the victim. Do people even think that there are two sides to a story anymore?

Nope. Same here. Exact same. The divorce is all my fault - even in the eyes of friends. Well, except for one that I sent some of the pictures because enough was enough...that was an eye opener of the most extreme level.

[Dawgs]

Will she turnaround and say 'see your fine and doing great, so let's sign the papers and move on'. Any advice?

Sorry, hit submit too soon. Get out and GAL. I can't stress this enough. It won't push her towards divorce, or stop her, for that matter. It isn't about her, so don't make your life choices around someone who has done what she has to you. Let me ask you this, if doing something makes her stay out of guilt, then that guilt will turn to resentment over the years...is that what you want if that were to happen?

[jbroken]

Jeep74,

That's what I can't get over. How is it that everything is my fault? Why do people that I know too are so quick to side with her? They have seen us together - I'm a good person and have been a good husband in a lot of ways! Now, I don't know if they know how my W has actually left. I'm not sure if I should reach out to a few and test if they know she abandoned me the way she did.

In terms of GAL - should I let it be seen on social media? I feel so dead inside that I don't even know if I can fake it.

[jbroken]

Friends,

Thanks for all your support, advice and kind words over the last few days. It has been extremely helpful to navigate these tough waters I've found myself in.

It's been a week since I've GD (well, sort of). I'm just wondering, how long should I do this for? And do I initiate first contact or should I just hold-off until the W makes the first move? What if she doesn't for a month or so?

In terms of GAL, I've decided I'm going start doing this in small steps - not for the W but for me. I still not clear whether I should let it be seen on social media? Any advice?

[leahsue]

Hi jbroken,

It's been a week since I've GD (well, sort of). I'm just wondering, how long should I do this for?

Personally I went dark for over 3 straight weeks before he made contact, but there are MANY on these boards who have been dark for MONTHS! So don't expect results. You should not be going dark for results anyway. You do it for YOU, to get the load of worry off your back. The sooner you can accept that the old relationship is over, and start working on a life without your spouse, the sooner you will start to find peace. You cannot control your spouse's decisions, so everything you do should be about becoming a better you, and don't ever look back over your shoulder to see if they are watching. Same for social media. Do what you would normally do. Just don't post things to try and get a reaction from spouse. It can't matter any more whether they see it or not. Do it for you. It will get easier. I think everyone on here will agree with me on that. Hang in there!

[jbroken]

Hi leahsue,

I intend to GD until the W makes initial contact. I fear that she may not for a while and the thought of her not wanting to really breaks my heart. At the same time I'm still hopeful that she will. It is really confusing. I feel like it is a sort of punishment.

It's been a week and already a common 'friend' posted a group pic on FB with her smiling from ear to ear. She been liked and commented on posts for a couple of days too. Functioning as though nothing's happened.

I also feel this some sort of ploy to give me time to accept the situation so somehow I end up filing for D! What a clusterf**k this whole situation is.

[leahsue]

Yeah, the common theme that brought all of us here is a big hot mess. I would say to you- plan each day as if she is not going to communicate or respond to you at all. Have zero expectations. I know it breaks your heart! But this will help the cycle of anxiety-driven thoughts that spin in your head. If you overthink all of this, it can be confusing, but then again... as someone (Jeep I think) said- it's really so simple. LET GO OF HER. I don't mean that to sound harsh. I just wish someone could have reached through the internet and shaken me that first week or so, as I (figuratively, thank God) clung to his car bumper as he backed out of the driveway. THAT DID NOT WORK SO WELL FOR ME.
And just FWIW, facebook can be fun on your birthday, but overall, that's about all. No one's posts reflect their true lives. Don't get hung up there. ((((jbroken))))

[jbroken]

Thanks leahsue,

A big part of me says 'You rejected me, you refused my love, how dare you. I'll show you what you've lost.' Perhaps that's my wounded male pride as I never thought in a million years that she would be the one to walk out!

And I guess the worst part for me is the way she did it! It was brutal. If you claim to love someone how can you end things on such terms. I mean she cleaned out our home - took wedding pictures, art I bought her, our joint memories - didn't I have a right to these too!

[OwnIt]

jbroken, I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I am new here as well but have known a long time that things were askew. I think when they leave they feel relief that things are out in the open, I too heard nothing from family and friends even though he was crazy posting on FB and blocked me even though I posted nothing.

Some contact you directly, but if they are passive-aggressive it may be other ways. Mine used to try to use our bank account to send me messages. I am pretty sure they were intentional. He will also make up excuses to contact me every week, rain or shine.

Going dark does make it somewhat easier. It also makes you more mysterious to her. The further he is the better I feel. When he starts circling back I get confused.

Forget about pride. That is gone. I was told that the better I feel about myself the more likely I won't ever want him back. I do see how that could be a possibility.

[jbroken]

helies,

Thanks for your support. It just kills me that the W seems to be doing well and I feel these rollercoaster of pain, embarrassment and rejection.

And even though I've GD I just can't shake all this off. I keep telling myself 'she doesn't deserve me' and 'I'll show her' but doesn't seem to be working.