First time post feeling lost and confused

[dodog]

A bit of a backslide this morning. W text saying she won't face time the kids but asked if they were ok, and are you staying at the house tonight? Instead of just saying yes they are fine I went and said yes etc etc bought this that and the other, making some dinner for the kids in slow cooker. And no I won't be here until Tuesday.
She replies saying lucky kids.
Me: there is enough for you as I'm eating out

I then get nothing back.

So I proceed with I know you despise me but a thank you wouldn't go a miss.

Then I send inseee you type me a message then you don't send it. Do you really hate me that much

Reply is I don't hate you and thank you( I thought I did sa that earlier)
Me: sorry no you don't hate me you feel sorry for me.
W: I'm not doing this it's not helpful.
M: sorry that was uncalled for. Have a ace flight back

Why do I do it. Been doing so well at nc and then just slip up thjnkjngbthag my w actually has some kind of heart inside her to actually acknowledge me doing something nice for her.

Back to going dark and nc.