2 things. First, I've asked several questions that remain unanswered.
Can you tell me if you read them but don't want to answer, or if you don't know the answers yet?
Second, I've learned something about life. Some of the hardest most challenging things in life, are not very complicated.
They are damn difficult, and painful, yet the solutions are actually simple. I struggled with over thinking things.
But I'm learning not to overcomplicate things, especially if it's b/c I'm resisting the actions I need to take.
On one hand, you know you must change, but you resist that. Which is a pattern your w identified to you. She wanted to go out and socialize, she wanted more people in her life outside of work. She asked you several times to do so, to get out of your comfort zone...and it would have been one simple (not saying "easy"!) thing for you to do.
There is a powerful inertia & resistance within you. Part of it is fear, and part of it is habit.
So, here are some GAL suggestions that won't be easy, but GAL is not complicated.
Join a group or organization or club
visit/travel somewhere new,
coach a team or tutor or mentor someone,
take a class (not online) & study something (e.g, cooking or a foreign language)
play a team sport or game --
Go ahead and learn to fly that plane, - at least take ground school,
work out and exercise, become stronger
get a hair cut, buy some new types of clothes, (you will feel different, and that is fine!)
volunteer somewhere ...audition for a show to act, take music lessons to play an instrument help with backstage crew of a theater group if you don't want to be "on", -
Choose 2 of these^^ and DO them, this month. Wsh...it's not complicated.
It's essential to GAL. It will help you become the man you want to become. (And yes also, the man she wanted you to become.)
FYI, I want you to know I literally did all of the above...and I was in Alaska, (& going out in the winter took an enormous amount of desperation on my end) oh, and I had a newborn baby, & 2 kids.
I'm just saying it can be done. An enormous amount of inertia & fears are holding you back. Are those fears and the powerful inertia, serving you?
But in a way It's almost like a math equation for you, "If I do X, then wife will come back" and oh, here is some empirical data to back it up". But it's not life.
Yet you resist change, mightily. Even in the face of all the "Data" that shows how poorly that resistance to change has done for you...
We are telling you that you need to make some shifts in your life. Regardless of how you behave towards your w or think about the OM, you really must GAL...
So, it boils down to these few questions... What are you willing to do to become a better (happier) man?
And can you see that those ^^changes to actualize, are more likely to increase the chance of her returning and remaining?
Can you see that regardless of HER actions, you will be in a better place if and only if, you make those shifts?
So what exactly is in conflict?
And what are the changes you are willing to make?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
