Yeah, fear [censored]. I developed it from making too many mistakes in the beginning.
So I guess what Inwill do first is have a conversation with her per the coaches request. Ask her what her parenting plan is if we are living apart.. Report back to the coach and then Stop leaving on her kid nights
So that I am clear, are you saying that you will stay in the home on her nights with the kids?
I don't disagree. Still, I'm curious, does she normally have the kids on her own, or are you the type of dad to help with them a lot? In other words, is being on her own with the kids and making dinner and cleaning up later and helping with homework and putting them to bed, without help, anything new for her?
The coach seems to think I need to listen and only agree or accept her opinion. No rebuttals or negative speak. Earn some points for listening.
Yes. Listening better will never hurt your cause, and it may be a great way to counter her negative images of you. Plus, it shows you are capable of change, so that her view that you'll "never change" is pretty impossible to maintain.
Second, another reason to listen more, is b/c the more you challenge her choices, the more she will defend them.
No one gets "persuaded" into staying married, with words.
Im trying to make a plan. Listening to alot of people with different opinions. The coach said I was crazy to move out....and I was fear talking about her reaction.
Lots to learn
1) the coach and most or all of the DBers support the DB coach, and he is the DB coach, so who exactly is telling you differently?
2) make a plan for HOW you will behave, while staying
3) re your fear...do you agree that the FEAR is not serving you or your interests?
What can you DO to deal with that?
How did you handle your discomfort in the past? How did she handle disagreements?
FYI, Not many people "like" conflict. Think about it.
So, To an extent we are all conflict avoidant. However we know that conflict resolution is the only real way of being happily married.
Learning conflict resolution is mandatory - no matter what happens to your marriage.
Maybe that can be part of your plan...?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
