You seem to have accepted the need to change. I would like to hear you give yourself a little break.
It sounds to me as if you have personally had a breakdown or depression of some kind. Did you have medical help? In the UK there are resources that can help. Medical depression is recognised here and there is no issuing with having help for this.
So as a first step, let yourself off the hook for that.
You need extreme care in this.
Please whilst accepting your side of the street needs a good sweep, you are only responsible for your sandpit. Hold back on your letter or apology, it may go too far, have other consequences which we can't forsee. Plus you are in distress and your letter could back fire in any D proceedings or Custody. Important in the UK to have balance, this isn't just you when you are emotional. In due course if you are keen to write to WW there are those here who can help you draft a great letter. For now keep your powder dry.
Nothing, nothing you have done caused WW to have an EA, PA or to go wayward. She had many other choices in this. Many other choices including seeking counselling with you. This is her side of the street, her sandbox. And you are not responsible or accountable for her choices.
Start with Cadets reading material. I laminated Sandi guidelines, when in doubt stick to those. Do not leave your MBR, sleep on the couch or suggest you leave the MH. WW made her choices and you are accepting of her sleeping in the MBR. If she wants the couch that's a consequence. Tough about her sleep.
You are the one here on this board seeking change and growth. Good for you. It's a brave choice, there are wonderful posters here. Keep on posting, being in the UK sometimes we are out of step with the majority of the US who post. But responses from both your peers and those further down the road will follow. Keep posting please.
It's a long journey, sticking with your desire to be a new person with goals, desires, hobbies and a fulfilled life will have positive results.
So tell me, what help have you sought? There are self referral resources in many areas of the country too.
Are you in employment? Are you enjoying the world of work?
Are you in a position with private medical care that can help with counselling.
I think the first step is to provide you with some IRL support, it seems you have struggled for too long. A little tenderness to self.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
