First time post feeling lost and confused

[KevinIn]

starting to look down a barrel of the gun and starting to accept that she is hell bent on this.

I feel the same way. Since i want a clean conscious the rest of my life, i'm not going to pull the trigger on filing for divorce. She can be the one who takes the steps to destroy this family. Meanwhile, i'm detaching, getting a life for myself, and working on becoming a better person. Its her loss.

I just don't get it from 10 weeks ago booking holidays, offering to put money in my pension, to now wanting a divorce.

Its been mentioned many times on this forum and also in the DR book - our wives have been thinking about this for a long, long time. They finally just snapped. In my case, it was also super fast from when i was told she was unhappy until she said she wanted out.

mediation

We had our first mediation session a few days ago. It focused on custody. Overall, it wasn't too painful. Once again, my DB Coach was a big help in my preparation. I kept calm and showed her that i'm a better person than what she's picturing (except for one minor passive aggressive comment by me).