Wife with Neighbor Across the Street

[Coconut]

Coconut: you are right. It just feels so wrong to "turn my back on her" when she has been there for me in my lowest times over 16 years. I KNOW she still has feeling for me and it would be a shame to give up the bond, life and family we built over 16 years. I don't want to do a "tit for tat" thing either. I want to start fresh and build an amazing foundations and NEW marriage.

I get all of that, but understand that you CAN NOT rebuild a relationship with her when her mind is set on seeing what it is like with other people. You don't get to make that choice for her, she has to make it.

Until she makes that choice, if she ever does, STOP being there as her husband... immediately retreat to only opening communication with her when it's about logistics (house, kids, etc), only listen when she opens communications and validate her feelings; DO NOT share your feelings, she doesn't get to know about you when she's with someone else

She went beserk when you went out with your friend, she doesn't want to lose you while she's figuring out what she wants, but she also doesn't get to make that decision for you (I am NOT saying go date someone, but be social, enjoy your life and she doesn't get to know what's going on in your life).

and unless there is a underlying LEGAL need to divorce right now, I would postpone or cancel your petition for divorce until you really know what you want (don't text her and let her know, your doing it for you not to get a response from her). If she somehow finds out and asks you why, keep your response short and to the point, something like "Although I will not be in a open Marriage, I decided that a divorce isn't what I wanted right now".