There are literally hundreds of us that felt the exact same way you do right now: We felt that we 'effd up our Marriages and we weren't there for our spouses, so we try to make up for lost time after the fact.
I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you this, brother, but it doesn't work that way. You can go back through my sitch and look at exactly what I went through, and what I was saying are exactly the same things you are saying right now. The difference is that my W hid the A, yours is flaunting it in your face.
She is setting you up for the "friend-zone."
I understand you don't want to believe these guys, but that is where you are heading.
It has to get worse before it gets better.
Scenario:
She calls and asks you to do something.
You say "Have you decided, or are you still hanging out with OM?"
She says "I don't know what I want."
You hang up.
Then she's going to throw all sorts of spew your way, telling you how lousy you are etc. She'll try to throw this guy in your face etc. It will be awful and you'll come back on here telling everybody how wrong we were about how to handle the sitch.
we'll tell you to stick to the script and it will get bad for a while, and then two things will happen:
1) By detaching and looking at this thing objectively, you'll realize that you can only be responsible for you, and you will figure out who you want to be and what you want to do. She may come back, she may stay with OM, she may move onto OM2, OM3, OM4, OM15, but you will be okay because you will be taking care of yourself and your son. Not your circus.
2) When you ghost her, she'll be livid at first, then she'll start to wonder why, then she'll start to wonder why you don't think she's good enough anymore. Now she's thinking about you and that's where you want her head to be. Any attention is good attention.
Here's the kicker in the whole process:
While she's putting all that focus on you, you're going to be just fricking lights out crushing life. You are not going to feel like doing any of this, but you are going to "fake it 'till you make it."
MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU ARE GOING TO BE DOING IT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!
She will see the changes. She won't want to, but she will, and she will be mad!
she will say things like "Why now?"
You need to remember that it's her call, though. You can't manipulate someone back into your life; you have to make the changes because you want to, not because you're trying to "win her back."
