Letting the Cards Fall

[Kyh]

Thank you all for checking in on me, it's nice to have such great support from people who get it. I get some support from others but they just don't get the situation. How could they though?

I recognize that numb feeling during signing. How are you today?

For me, I had to meet my L in a small, crowded room at the courthouse while she was giving free D advice to a large, boisterous group of people. I was really just there to sign. Then I went home. There was no weight or gravity to the situation. XH was not there. I'm curious as to how your situation transpired and how you are feeling now. Its not like in the movies, is it? No swell of the soundtrack to create a sense of drama or importance afterwards. I wonder if its the view that D is just a piece of paper for people who "stand".

Reiki sounds interesting. You and Bttrfly have me sold. I'm glad you are doing something for yourself. Massage or any kind of pampering really makes a difference in your sense of well being, doesn't it? It physically and emotionally helps.

Whatever emotions came/come later, let them come. I think its healthier than trying to fight them. And I agree, keep the focus on you. Treat yourself as if you are dating you (I know that sounds strange) often...take yourself out to dinner and a movie, or whatever would be fun or relaxing. Fun with friends is one thing...pushing to find the ability to have fun on your own is another level entirely.

You've got this. (((Kyh)))

Hi Cil, still feeling numb to it today. It's strange I was not expecting the numb feeling. It's actually nice not to be spinning. It all transpired quick, my lawyer's assistant said W agreed to my changes and it was ready to sign. Her office is only a few blocks from me so I went over, read it and signed and was back at my office 20 minutes later. She told me she would let me know once the decree went through the courts so I guess that's it. Funny you mentioned soundtrack because when I went to go over one of my favorite songs came on. I shut the radio off because I didn't want it to be associated with the D in my head.

I like what you said about dating yourself which is something I need to do. I've actually got better at this, I go to lunch alone time to time and have also caught a couple movies alone. I would have never done this in the past. I'm a very introverted person and we hadn't been where I'm at long before BD so I also need to work on gal. The company I work for is in another state and I work alone in my own office so not a lot of interaction. I have a couple college friends here but other than running into each other we've never got together.

Kyh, it sounds like you did great...hope you did something for yourself afterwards...

Hi Gordie, thanks for stopping by. I didn't really do much after but just kept myself busy. Back to work, then took advantage of the nice weather and extra light. I did some yard work and cleaned my car but I am planning on doing something for myself again soon. I ended up selling my last pup last night too so that is good. I'm getting attached to them and they are a lot of extra work I don't need. I'm planning on getting some much needed sleep this weekend.

yeah, it's a strange place to be, where you are at the moment. just allow yourself to feel it all and keep breathing. this too shall pass. I promise {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Thanks Bttrfly, it is a strange place. Never in a million years did I think I'd be here. IDK if this numb feeling is good or not but if feels better than depression and anger. I wonder how much my session the night before had to do with how I'm feeling/processing this.