I'm a L and I don't know what the he11 you are talking about. Forgiveness is not illegal or against your legal interests.
It's also nothing you need to share with her now.
Condonation is when a couple reconciles after an A, and later the LBSer files for D and uses the earlier A as the reason, (although there was no repeat of the A.)
That is not "forgiveness".
I was told by a lawyer and paralegal that I should probably stay away from talk of forgiveness until my wife and I had come to a separation agreement, I'm assuming because I would not be able to perhaps use evidence of an affair as any sort of bargaining chip, or be able to threaten a lawsuit, if I had said I had forgiven her. I would never forgive OM, though, of course, unless I just needed to, to let it go.
Let me try another way of saying this.
They are talking about condonation, which is only applicable if you reconciled AND later on, tried to use this present affair as grounds for divorce. The court would say "no, you cannot use the previous affair from the past, as present days grounds for divorcing..." (And btw, none of this matters in a no fault state. )
So even if A is grounds for div in your state, this relationship would not be usable against her, IF you reconciled and lived together.
Not really about forgiveness. I'm not sure what else you wanted to write in an email to her. Maybe you wanted to admit things that were not helpful or maybe they worried about that.
Moving on,
Re the Porn issue -- first, I don't mean to harp on porn itself. That is not actually the main point I'm trying to get through to you. It's the fact that it came up for you and your wife, repeatedly, yet you changed nothing. You still see her as the party at fault.
You wrote "Every time it came up, she'd say...well other men do it..." Means it came up more than once. And somehow you didn't pick up on that being important to her b/c she didn't call it a deal breaker and she didn't throw out the word "divorce" in your face.
What I hear you saying is that unless it's going to cost you big time, you won't give up on something "just for her happiness."
It's like saying " if she's actually going to leave me, well then maybe I'll make a change...and if she just wants me to give it up but won't leave me for continuing doing what hurts her, well, then I won't give it up"
Wish, can you see my point at all?
I feel as if you are defending yourself, instead of trying to see things in a new light.
How does that help you?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
