WW wife turned WA what to do? Sandi2 anyone?

[75Shade]

LiM , thanks I will work on that. This actually feels good. I feel like I really lost myself the last couple years. Confident composed

[sandi2]

Im not positive she is embarrassed or ashamed but knowing her she likes to portray she is perfect.

Does she shift blame or own her mistakes?

I read what you wrote on another thread about how a man should never give ip the marital bed or home. Stand my ground. Is there other reasons besides that?

Well first let me say it is all about what the marital bedroom symbolizes.......and most important when there are children in the home. Once a man has his own family living under his roof, he and his W need to establish a healthy, secure, and loving environment for their family unit. He and his W are more than friends, and they are more than partners. They are symbolically united as one. (I won't go into the religious aspects). It is the responsibility of these two adults to nourish and protect their union. As their children are born from that union, the greater the responsibility of provision, protection, teaching and leadership from the two adults.

Instead of calling it the master bedroom, think of it as the marital bedroom and the marital bed. The marital bedroom usually reflects the health of the union. The children will grow up seeing the symbolic union/bonding that is the foundation for their security and the family structure. If one spouse no longer wishes to be a part of that physical and/or marital union, then that spouse should be the one to leave the MBR and make other sleeping arrangements........or living arrangements. The spouse who wants to stand for the M, should remain in the MBR. In doing so, it makes a powerful statement; demonstrates inner strength;, offers emotional security to his children; and is a life teaching illustration. The children watch living examples that affect their own future MR's.

Standing on your spiritual beliefs, morals, principles, etc.......is like shining a bright light for the wayward. The message to the wayward spouse is loud and clear. This bedroom represents your wedding vows. It must be honored.

Now, it's not always that easy, and we have seen some wayward wives go for blood in claiming their reign over the MBR, b/c they have a large sense of entitlement......and b/c they aren't called wayward for nothing! I do not encourage any type of physical force. Children should never witness their parents in a screaming match. There are some situations where physical separation is necessary, especially if there is any form of violence.....or accusations of you doing something (that you know otherwise is untrue) can lead to trumped up legal charges.

It is disturbing to read about men sleeping on the floor, in their kids bunk beds, or going to the basement. It may be a very nice basement, IDK. Like I said at the start, it is the symbolic reflection.

[75Shade]

Sandi2, well she says she was wrong for having an affair but then she says we were broken. She says she should have broken things off before. She justifies her behavior by saying that it was inevitable so its ok.

Right now I sleep in our bed 3-4 days a week every other week. Now I just need to figure out how to strategize popping up in the bed on her nights..... avoid conflict and keep cool..

[75Shade]

But I shouldn't believe what she says and only half of what she does.

[doodler]

Now I just need to figure out how to strategize popping up in the bed on her nights..... avoid conflict and keep cool..

75Shade,

Go to bed before your wife and when she arrives she has two choices, she can try to physically remove you or she can go sleep somewhere else. She'll try everything, including guilt, to get you out of that bed. Just ignore her like you would a two year old having a tantrum.

[Dawgs]

She'll try everything, including guilt, to get you out of that bed

Yassssssss

[Cadet]

But I shouldn't believe what she says and only half of what she does.

YES

[75Shade]

75Shade,

Go to bed before your wife and when she arrives she has two choices, she can try to physically remove you or she can go sleep somewhere else. She'll try everything, including guilt, to get you out of that bed. Just ignore her like you would a two year old having a tantrum.

The visual of this is making me laugh... from my understanding she has to leave or call the cops and say I am hurting her..If she does that I will be out. But then I guess Indont have to worry about this anymore....

[doodler]

The visual of this is making me laugh...

75Shade,

Unfortunately, most of our situations are so dire and abysmal that nothing seems terribly funny. But, in a different context, some of the stuff we endure in our situations is so outrageous that it would be hilarious.

The OM (he was "just a friend") told my wife he accidentally dropped his cell phone in the toilet and needed recommendations for a new smartphone. I told my wife that he needed a stupid phone. You wouldn't believe the agony that my wife went through because of that mean and nasty comment I made. Only Satan would've said such a thing about that poor man...

[75Shade]

Doodler, sorry I am not trying to downplay he seriousness of it all. I feel terrible, I have been depressed for months and only just begun to come out in the last few weeks. I'm coping a little with the laughing.

I remember my wife telling me after the bomb that the guy she had an affair with would be good with children. I was super mad and then It dawned on me that she was nuts.