My question - and its not an ass-type of question - is WHY do you want someone back who so blatantly not only disrespected you and the family, but slept with your friend? That's not an act of love towards you.
This is a really great question. One that has been bouncing around my head since I read it yesterday. I'll do my best to answer it. If I'm completely off my rocker then please feel free to redirect me.
I need to put this out there. I'm a christian. I love Jesus with all of my heart. He is the foundation of my life. My answers to the above question are based in my faith. I'm not trying to shove my faith on anyone and it is ok if you disagree with me. It is not my intention to offend anyone but my faith is an integral part of my life and the decisions I make.
Why I would NOT take her back: Jeep74, you are correct. What she is doing is not loving and is completely disrespectful. If I do not take her back I know she can never hurt me like this again. There has been so much deceit and lies the past 4-5 years it is actually quite sickening. The person she has become is NOT someone I would ever want to be with. If she never changes then this marriage is over and that would be my choice. There have been issues in our marriage for sure. I have had to overlook how she has treated me even before the affair. I wouldn't have to deal with these issues either if this marriage is never reconciled. It may be that by the time she does finally come around I'm in a new relationship that is more satisfying than our marriage. I'm not sure I'd want to give this up to be with my WW.
Why I want to reconcile- Plain and simple is I love this woman. This love is not a feeling but a deep commitment. I meant it when I said 'death do us part' and for "sickness and in health." Right now she is extremely sick. I believe my wife is a good person and she is making horrible choices that are affecting so many people negatively. If she were to return the fear would be I do not know what woman is returning. Is she the the woman that cheated on me and feels entitled? Or is it a woman who has been broken by her actions and surrendered her life back to Jesus Christ? These 2 questions are paramount for me to take her back. For the most part I found our marriage to be VERY enjoyable in all areas. I actually feel my wife and I are quite compatible. We enjoyed doing life together. We had similar hobbies and would take an interest in each other's hobbies. Our main point of conflict was money as she has an entitlement problem. This comes from our family background. It would be hard for me to give all of this up if the woman that returns is a woman with a broken heart/spirit. My sister did the same thing to her husband that my WW is doing to me. Thank God my sister got out of the fog and repented for her choices. She is a different woman today. A complete 180. You can tell she hurts for her actions and how she treated people. They now have a great marriage with a deep emotional/loving connection. It absolutely sucked that she put her husband through all of this but at the end of it all it made her and her husband have a much more fulfilling marriage. There are many times God uses what we mean for evil to bring about His good. I would hate to give up on my marriage if I have the chance to reconcile with a W who has been broken by her choices because I'm fearful of the "what if." I have no guarantees that in my next relationship my future W wouldn't cheat on me.
Hopefully this makes sense. e
Me 38, Her 40 T-14, M-13, No kids BD-1 4/14- EA/PA BD-2 10/14- EA BD-3 2/17- EA/PA W Moves out 2.10.17 in with AP W Served D papers 3.6.17 Divorce Final- 5.23.17
