So Confused and Conflicted (5)

[25yearsmlc]

Now, the real question that you need to sit down and answer is: why? Why are you fighting so hard to keep someone around that doesn't want to be there?

I'm not. That's the whole point of doing this is to come to a closure so that I can detach.

Detachment is not about closure, or at least not directly. You are confusing the "moving on with no chance of a recon ever!", with detachment and closure. They are not the same.

Detachment lets you still love the WAS and have good memories, but not attach yourself or your happiness to the results.

Also, there are married couples who div and later remarry. I have 2 in my family and think it's about 15% of couples. But in the cases I know of, both spouses went on to personally grow. They all had ICs and all thought their m's were over. In one case it took 5 years for them to reconcile and I'm not sure they saw it coming.


I don't want to pay her what she wants. I don't want her to ask for more, either.

Unless she is trying to make new law, just let the L's work that out. Detach from the results.

On top of this, I just want to make sure that she understands that I believe I can forgive her and we can get past it,

NOT connected to the D settlement! It's as if you are trying to manipulate her financially, which you did inside the m, I might add, and it does not come off as love. Not to me.

Lying to hide assets might eliminate recon chances but simply advocating for yourself via a L, won't. At least not long term. It's how you behave and act that will matter most.


without using words like "forgiveness" to avoid forfeiting things legally if she tries to take advantage of my forgiveness, legally. That's why I talk of being able to rewind, instead.

What??

I'm a L and I don't know what the he11 you are talking about. Forgiveness is not illegal or against your legal interests.

It's also nothing you need to share with her now.

Condonation is when a couple reconciles after an A, and later the LBSer files for D and uses the earlier A as the reason, (although there was no repeat of the A.)

That is not "forgiveness".

If someone could link my post to him from his previous thread, here, I sure would appreciate it.