SBJ, I learned something in therapy yesterday and I thought I would share. There is a term called "reactance." I will take part of the definition from Wikipedia:
Reactances can occur when someone is heavily pressured to accept a certain view or attitude. Reactance can cause the person to adopt or strengthen a view or attitude that is contrary to what was intended, and also increases resistance to persuasion.
When my therapist used this term a light bulb went off in my head. Ah ha, this is why we are advised to refrain from R talks, etc. I totally get it now that I understood the psychology behind it.
Please, please, please understand that I am not scolding you or reprimanding you for what you did. I don't see that as my place. God (and everyone here) knows I have done things I was advised not to. It happens. We are human. This is a tremendously difficult time. I share this because I found it helpful to broaden my understanding and it helps me maintain my focus, so I thought maybe someone else might find it helpful too.
