So Confused and Conflicted (5)

[WshIKnw]

It's hard to detach as long as I am feeling so slighted. She wants me to pay her a big chunk of money for the house. She doesn't want to pay me a cent on the previous house we lived in that she owns, and I helped her pay for, for 7 years. She wants probably more than the amount of principal she has put in our current house. Which is BS, because:

1. She didn't put that much into the house. I put way more into the house than she did (10's of thousands).
2. She doesn't want to give me anything for the old house, that we have been renting out for 5 years, but I have been helping her pay for for 7, and for the last 4.5 years, I paid 60% on what we had to pay, on all bills (since rent doesn't cover all that we were paying on the house, especially since she paid up by $100 or so each month), including paying for the HOA, which we didn't charge the tenant.
3. The way she ended it with me. She cultivated a friendship with a guy at work, after I have told her a thousand times that that is how romantic feelings can come about. She had an affair, the extent to which I don't entirely know. She has lied left and right about it. She dumped me out of the blue for this guy, two weeks after a fine anniversary and anniversary trip, and her telling me she's so glad she has me. Went ultra cold and hateful towards me, and tried to blame me for everything. Wouldn't hardly take any of the blame. Wouldn't go to MC. Wouldn't give me another chance after waking me up. Wouldn't do anything to wake me up before it was too late. Wouldn't give any ultimatums. Acted happy, when she was dissatisfied. Leaves me less than a month after bomb drop. Said I would be able to date her. Has refused like 90% of the things I have tried to do with her. Said she wouldn't throw in the towel until her Granny died. Granny is still living as far as I am aware. She and her mother tell me I can visit her Granny, which was my Granny as well, for ten years. But every time I have tried to schedule a time, they can't. If I ask how Granny is doing, I get a vague response, and they run away from me. I told MIL that I'm just going to wait for her to give me a good time, and if I don't hear from her, I'll just assume there isn't a good time. Haven't heard from her. It's been at least a month, I'd say. ... W rushed to get all of her things, within about a month of leaving. Wife then rushed to get separation papers done. She has lied about wanting to date other people, yet a--hole is at her house in the evenings and leaves around her bedtime. She has been very secretive since she went cold. Didn't want me to know where she was living. She has treated me like I don't exist since around the time she left. She will at least respond to me sometimes, especially if I say something important, but never hardly contacts me.
4. OM has a wife and 4 kids. The two of them are breaking up each other's marriages, and she is breaking up a family. He is breaking up what was about to become a family.

She does me like this, and now I have to pay her all of this money (10's of thousands)? She abandons me for another man, after cheating on me with an EA at the very least, treats me like I'm Satan all of a sudden, because she just supposedly has an epiphany that I was a terrible husband. "I thought it was me the whole time, but then realized it was you. You were the one causing our problems." And now I have to pay all of this money? I have to keep this house full of all of the memories, while she goes off on her new life in her new house to date her new man. I'm stuck with my guts ripped out on the floor, trying to pick up the pieces, surrounded by memories of what we had. And she wants me to pay all this money to her? She isn't asking anywhere near half of everything, but to me that is very unfair and is a stupid, idiotic law, anyway. If I put in X, I should get back X, if X still exists (not used up assets), especially if I'm the one trying to keep the f---ing marriage going. And she's the one cheating on me and abandoning me.

I'm scared that she will try to get a lot more money, but I'm thinking of doing the following. She really wants this separation I'm sure, so that she can feel free to go on with her life with Mr. Wonderful. So, she might take a lesser amount of money to push this separation through. I am thinking of contacting her to first make sure she understands that I believe we can rewind to a happy time in our marriage, despite whatever could have happened since then. Then, if she continues to voice that she has no interest in that, which is what I expect will happen, I will offer to sign the papers if she goes down to half of what she is asking. She might take it, just to be free from me. They still have to worry about his wife, and worry a lot, unless they have already gotten some nice deal with her, which I doubt it, considering she has 4 kids, and likely is dependent on his income, since she has a degree in archaeology and occupation is just "self employed".

My questions/statements to my wife will be:
1. Are you happy? Are you happy with the way your life is going?
2. Do you ever wish you could rewind to a time when things were good between us?
3. Remember when you said I would never be able to forgive you? (And she followed it with "And I will never be able to forgive you.") What all would I need to forgive you for?
4. I think we can rewind past everything that has happened, and that includes any infidelity.
5. If she continues to say she wants out, we can't get over what has happened, etc., then I will offer to sign the papers if she drops what she is asking by half. That way she can have her freedom from me. She wants her freedom now. How much does she want it?

What do you guys think? The point, again, is to first make sure she understands that I would be willing to try to get past everything that has happened, including cheating, and that I believe we can get past it. Then, if she doesn't care, I will make my offer to her, so that both of us can have closure, and I can start trying to detach. I have to be careful to not say that I forgive her, even though I do forgive her, even though I'm mad sometimes, to avoid legal problems with that.